IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advances in technology have improved our lifestyle, modern appliances in the home have become more common, leaving no doubt that advances in technology have improved our lifestyle. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

Nowadays ,everyone thinks that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advances in
technology
Use synonyms
 have developed our lifestyle. Modern
furniture
Use synonyms
 in the
home
Use synonyms
 has become more normal , with no more
unbelievable
Correct word choice
unusual
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. They consider that advances in
technology
Use synonyms
 have improved our lifestyle . In my opinion , I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea . On the one hand , we need to confirm that the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 period
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 really good for our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they can do anything in the
home
Use synonyms
 chores range ,
Correct word choice
and it
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can help us
in
Change preposition
with
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 anything work can be done by the automatic .
These
Fix the agreement mistake
This
show examples
furniture
Use synonyms
was get
Wrong verb form
has
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 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of benefits in the way to easily our
Use synonyms
life
Check wording
lives easier
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, it really
do
Wrong verb form
does all
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any
Correct determiner usage
the
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 chores in our house with
only
Rephrase
just
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 many
button
Fix the agreement mistake
few buttons
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.
For example
Linking Words
 , with many modern washing
machines
Use synonyms
 , they can wash a
lot
Use synonyms
 of things with a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
mode
Fix the agreement mistake
modes
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 and it only takes
control
Replace the word
controlled
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 by a model control with many buttons . Or with some modern
furniture
Use synonyms
 systems , they can take control of the whole house with only their phone or
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
virtual
Correct article usage
a virtual
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 assistant .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , abusing in a violent way is going to harm our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 too much
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 over-reliance on
machines
Use synonyms
 makes people passive . So, they will have no physical activities and that will lead to the ancient and gonna destroy their health .
Besides
Linking Words
 , most people living in the modern
home
Use synonyms
 are young individuals
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 young
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 who
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
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 only on
machines
Use synonyms
 will lack basic
life
Use synonyms
 skills.
For instance
Linking Words
 , the child who lives in an over-modern
home
Use synonyms
 may not know how to wash their clothes
when
Rephrase
apply
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without
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 machine . In conclusion , I
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
partly agree with the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of
technology
Use synonyms
 in
furniture
Use synonyms
 . Of course that
technology
Use synonyms
 has a
lot
Use synonyms
 of benefits
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 if we rely on
machines
Use synonyms
, we will be harmed .

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position. You said you partly agree, but you did not explain why clearly.
coherence
Try to use clearer transitions between ideas. Words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' can help the reader follow your points better.
coherence
Be careful with grammar and spelling. Some sentences have errors that can confuse the reader, like 'these furniture' should be 'this furniture'.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as washing machines and modern furniture systems, which supported your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are interesting and show your understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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