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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The map below shows a school in 1985 and the school now. Summarize the information by selectiong and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. (MINH BUI)

The map below shows a school in 1985 and the school now. Summarize the information by selectiong and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. (MINH BUI)
The figure displays the changes of an
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 institute in 1985 and the present.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the first period,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there was not
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of space for the students to roam around,
while
Linking Words
 in the second period, the environment
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 changed quite
significant
Replace the word
significantly
show examples
. In 1985, there were 1500 students in that school. The facilities
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 placed
closed
Replace the word
close
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 to each other, so there wasn't enough room for other things to be added. Both classrooms were built by the roads
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 struggle to access the library and office
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 area for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to play was taking up
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much space
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the south side of the map
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the school cramped and not
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
. For that
reason
Punctuation problem
reason,
show examples
 they made
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of changes, they added
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 room, one more classroom which has 3 storeys, trees, pools and
fitness
Correct article usage
a fitness
show examples
 centre. They
also
Linking Words
 removed
;
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the car park by the classroom, and the straight road that was connected to the recreation area. One classrooms are located beside the computer room and fitness centre,
while
Linking Words
 the other two are placed next to each other. Now, there are 800 more students who have enrolled.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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