IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children are facing more problem nowadays from academy, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what am I should be taken to reduce this pressure?

As time grows,
Use synonyms
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
also
Linking Words
 plays
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 education
purpose
Check wording
apply
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, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
academy
Use synonyms
 provides much
prussure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 to
Use synonyms
children
Punctuation problem
children,
show examples
 where
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they
face
Use synonyms
 issues like in social and commercial
perspectie
Correct your spelling
perspectives
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay we will have a look
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 these problems
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
. finally
show examples
finally
Fix capitalization
Finally
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, a conclusion is
deduceed
Correct your spelling
deduced
To begin
Linking Words
 with ,
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 reason that
academy
Use synonyms
 pays
issue
Use synonyms
 to
children
Use synonyms
 is
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of concentration, nowdays
academy
Use synonyms
 just focus on stylish
life
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from
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
they
Punctuation problem
; they
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 do not
deem that
Verb problem
consider
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 how it could harm
children
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,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Fix capitalization
First
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first
Punctuation problem
first,
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 they should focus on
children
Use synonyms
's education
that
Correct word choice
and
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 how it could be
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 ought
to not
Correct word order
not to
show examples
face
Use synonyms
 any
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
 because
parents
Use synonyms
 allow
children
Use synonyms
 to study
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
 because they deem
children
Use synonyms
 will not
face
Use synonyms
 any
issuse
Correct your spelling
issues
 and
also
Linking Words
 will gain
things
Check wording
the skills
show examples
 to solve
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, various
diffculty
Correct your spelling
difficult
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
face
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social and commercial views
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
take
Verb problem
talking
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 about them , they are not fascinated
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 when they
listen
Verb problem
hear
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 about
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 even get
pressure
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
. instead
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instead
Fix capitalization
Instead
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 ,people should guide them
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to
surivive
Correct your spelling
survive
 in
life
Use synonyms
 because
parents
Use synonyms
 and society know how to spend
life
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 or others
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
guide
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 will feel amazing and they will
realse
Correct your spelling
release
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
pressure
Use synonyms
 which was given by social perspective.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 my opinion, young
children
Use synonyms
 should focus on their things
instead
Linking Words
 of focusing
issues
Change preposition
on issues
show examples
 ,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 if they get
Use synonyms
pressure
Punctuation problem
pressure,
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 they will not
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to
surive
Correct your spelling
survive
 in
life
Use synonyms
. All in all,
Debate
Correct article usage
the Debate
show examples
 of getting
pressure
Use synonyms
 should not be allowed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age ,
Use synonyms
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
 should guide in a good way, even
Use synonyms
children
Correct word choice
if children
show examples
face
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
issue
Punctuation problem
issue,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it will be
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the parents
show examples
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to take care of them

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introduction
Try to clearly state your opinion and the main points of your essay at the end of the introduction.
coherence
Make sure to use clear paragraphs for each main point. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger.
language
Check your spelling and grammar. Some words are misspelled, which can make it hard for readers to understand.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and you attempt to address it nicely.
task achievement
You made a good effort to discuss both academic and social pressures on children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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