IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that capital punishment should not be used. Others, however, argue that it should be allowed for the most serious crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays,
crime
Use synonyms
 has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
widely spread
Correct word order
spread widely
show examples
 around the world. Some individuals claim that a
penalty
Use synonyms
 should not apply for a
crime
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others deem that it should be considered for more serious
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important to discuss and examine both arguments.
on
Fix capitalization
On
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 the one hand, individuals
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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believe that punishment should be applied for many reasons.
Initially
Linking Words
,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not serious
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as stealing.
Therefore
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, the
penalty
Use synonyms
 should not be applied because
Some
Fix capitalization
some
show examples
 people steal to gain money to be able to eat as they are not able to buy food
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to survive.
In addition
Linking Words
 to if the government
set
Wrong verb form
sets
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 rules against criminals might cause unwanted
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 might
worse
Use the right word
worsen
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 the conditions and result in more
crime
Use synonyms
 rather than
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of
crimes
Use synonyms
. In Europe, 85% of
crime
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 situations are without any
seroius
Correct your spelling
serious
penalty
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 bad
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that
Use synonyms
penalty
Correct article usage
a penalty
show examples
 should be applied for serious
crimes
Use synonyms
 for several benefits. It helps to decrease
crime
Use synonyms
 rates, because people will avoid
doing
Verb problem
committing
show examples
 any
crimes
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, since there is a punishment.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the community will be
more safe
Correct word choice
safer
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it helps to spread justice and equity in the community
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has a positive effect on the citizens, because it protects their rights and
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 any
further
Linking Words
crime
Use synonyms
to happen
Change preposition
from happening
show examples
. In my opinion, I believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should set multiple rules and punishments for
crimes
Use synonyms
 to protect human rights,
spread
Verb problem
ensure
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 safety, and safe
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion,
crime
Use synonyms
 should be managed in different ways based on
type
Correct article usage
the type
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 of
crime
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 and
age
Correct article usage
the age
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 of
criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
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. Authorities should play
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 role
to stop
Change preposition
in stopping
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crimes
Use synonyms
 and
set
Verb problem
imposing
show examples
Use synonyms
penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
show examples
. I suggest that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
do
Verb problem
raise
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 awareness about how bad
crime
Use synonyms
 is and the
Use synonyms
penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each
crime
Use synonyms
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
show examples

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task achievement
Make sure to support your arguments with clear examples and reasons. This helps to explain your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas in a clearer way. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different points.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the debate, which is good for discussing the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your points well, showing the main idea clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • deterrent
  • crime
  • serious offenses
  • justice
  • victims
  • closure
  • life imprisonment
  • rehabilitation
  • legal system
  • fairness
  • wrongful convictions
  • moral
  • public opinion
  • perspectives
  • debate
  • effective
  • punishment
  • families
  • contribute
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