IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Companies should provide sports facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree?

In the context of ensuring corporate social responsibility, the proposal that
companies
Use synonyms
 should provide operational and social
facilities
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 to local communities has attracted attention. I believe that,
although
Linking Words
 it has
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 benefits, we can not think
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 is a mission for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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companies
Use synonyms
. Primarily,
companies
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 investing in local
facilities
Use synonyms
 can profoundly impact
community
Use synonyms
 well-being. Many
companies
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 can contribute directly to improving physical health and social cohesion.
For example
Linking Words
, a well-equipped gym or recreation
center
Use the right word
centre
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, encouraging a healthy lifestyle, can reduce health care costs and improve quality of life for
community
Use synonyms
 members.
Such
Linking Words
 initiatives can significantly enhance a company’s image and strengthen its relationship with the
community
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. A positive presence in the
community
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 can lead to increased brand loyalty and a more engaged workforce, which is crucial for long-term success.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to
recognize
Use the right word
recognise
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 that the primary responsibility of businesses remains serving the interests of their stakeholders, particularly shareholders and employees.
Companies
Use synonyms
 are established with the fundamental goal of generating profit and ensuring long-term sustainability. If too many resources are diverted toward
community
Use synonyms
 initiatives, it may lead to reduced competitiveness, lower returns for investors, or even job insecurity for employees.
While
Linking Words
 engaging in social responsibility is admirable,
such
Linking Words
 efforts should be aligned with the company’s capabilities and long-term strategy. It is essential that these activities complement, rather than conflict with, the core business functions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, corporate involvement in social causes must be carefully managed to avoid compromising the financial health and operational effectiveness of the business. In conclusion, the
companies
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 can help the government to equip the gym
facilities
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 and the provision of
community
Use synonyms
facilities
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
they must not focus on it too much
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 it is a voluntary decision.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to state your position more clearly at the end of the introduction.
coherence
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better and improve flow.
task achievement
Consider adding more examples or explanations to support your points.
coherence
You have a good structure overall with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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