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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a positive development or a negative one? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples fromyour own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, many schools have decided to restrict the
use
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 of mobile
phones
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. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
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 settlement because it helps
students
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to
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apply
show examples
concentrate better on their studies.
Firstly
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, banning mobile
phones
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 can improve
students
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' focus on their studies. Nowadays, many
children
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 tend to spend most of their time on mobile
phones
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. They
use
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 mobile
phones
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 for their entertainment ,
such
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 as video games, chatting, or something like that.
As a result
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, they have no concentration on their study.
This
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 addiction may have a negative impact on
children
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's future careers. Mobile
phones
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also
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 impact
children
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's mental health.
For example
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, almost 75% of
children
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 suffer from mental health problems
due to
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 the
use
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 of social media or mobile
phones
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. They may suffer from stress, anxiety and lack of confidence.
Secondly
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, Mobile
phones
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 help to increase illegal activities among
children
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. Sometimes
children
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use
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 their
phones
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 to cheat on an exam.
For instance
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, a survey shows that there are 25%
students
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use
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 their mobile
phones
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 during exams for illegal action in Dhaka.
In addition
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,
children
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 have little knowledge about
misuse
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the misuse
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 of information.
Therefore
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,
children
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 share whatever they see.
This
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 may have a negative impact on people. Restricting mobile
phones
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 may help reduce these serious issues , and it
also
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 helps
children
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 build better careers in future. In conclusion, I strongly believe that banning or limiting mobile phone
use
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 in school is a positive step. It helps
students
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 for better learning, concentrate better , prevent harmful behaviour, and create
abetter
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a better
show examples
 atmosphere in schools.
Therefore
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, more schools should follow
this
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 rule for the benefit of
students
Use synonyms

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects back to your argument. It will help to make your essay flow more naturally.
task achievement
Use more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will add strength to your argument.
task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state your main point and briefly outline your reasons. This helps the reader know what to expect.
positive
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, which is a great start.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimize distractions
  • cyberbullying
  • inappropriate content
  • face-to-face interaction
  • enhancing social skills
  • emergencies
  • educational opportunities
  • learning tools
  • resistance
  • essential for communication
  • safety purposes
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