Some people believe that success is earning money. Others believe that success is defined by personal happiness. Discuss both sides and give your own opino

How do we determine whether someone is successful or not? What is the main requirement we use to define it? It is argued by a large number of

people

Use synonyms

that if we are wealthy, it means we are so

successful

Punctuation problem

successful,

show examples

while

Linking Words

others think that personal

happiness

Use synonyms

level is the key criterion for success. I agree with

people

Use synonyms

who believe that our own

happiness

Use synonyms

is a more essential requirement to define success. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I shall discuss both sides of

this

Linking Words

controversial argument. On the one hand,

money

Use synonyms

is definitely

powerful

Correct article usage

a powerful

show examples

‘weapon’ that we

utilize

Use the right word

utilise

show examples

to live more successfully.

Firstly

Linking Words

, we are capable

to buy

Change preposition

of buying

show examples

almost everything

that is

Linking Words

needed.

For instance

Linking Words

, if you want to live in an enormous mansion, it is just enough to purchase it. If you want to drive a more attractive car,

such

Linking Words

Ferrari

Correct article usage

a Ferrari

show examples

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

Bugatti

Correct article usage

a Bugatti

show examples

, just do the same thing.

Secondly

Linking Words

, wealth can give you an opportunity to influence society

due to

Linking Words

the fact that reputation and authority follow the

money

Use synonyms

. As we know,

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

famous

people

Use synonyms

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

who can affect the world

Linking Words

such

Punctuation problem

, such

show examples

as Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos, are all wealthy

people

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, personal

happiness

Use synonyms

can make your life gorgeous. First of all, if you are joyful, your

surrounding

Fix the agreement mistake

surroundings

show examples

will

also

Linking Words

get happy.

In other words

Linking Words

, you can have a good relationship with other

people

Use synonyms

around you.

Furthermore

Linking Words

happiness

Use synonyms

might keep your body healthy, which is the most important thing to live successfully. The study conducted by

WHO

Correct article usage

the WHO

show examples

illustrates that happy

people

Use synonyms

live relatively longer and

victorious

Replace the word

victoriously

show examples

than other

people

Use synonyms

To conclude

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

money

Use synonyms

is the key factor in a successful life, it, in my opinion, is more effective to define success as joy. If we cannot live joyfully for the rest of our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

, is it more important to have earned

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

money

Use synonyms

Kaurharvinder2984

Jul 18, 2025

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task achievement

Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to guide the reader.

coherence and cohesion

Use more linking words to connect your ideas smoothly, such as 'however', 'moreover', or 'for instance'.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points about personal happiness. This will strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

307 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financial stability
Quality of life
Societal respect
Fulfillment
Mental well-being
Emotional well-being
Personal happiness
Strong relationships
Pursuing passions
Balanced life
Meaningful experiences
Holistic sense of accomplishment
Cultural perspectives
Communal well-being
Individual achievements

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