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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

shopping rather than going to stores physically. While there are some drawbacks to this trend, I believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. This essay will discuss both sides before presenting my opinion.

It is often argued that a significant number of
people
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 have become interested in online shopping rather than going to stores physically.
While
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 there are some drawbacks to
this
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 trend, I believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides before presenting my opinion.
One
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 of the main advantages of online shopping is that purchasers can find what they aim to buy at a lower price.
One
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 of the main advantages of online shopping is that purchasers can find what they are looking for to buy at a lower price.
This
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 is because there is competition between stores to offer a great deal that attracts
people
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.
For instance
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, laptop prices are high, so
people
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 often search for a laptop that fits their budget. Another positive aspect is that there is no pressure if you do not have
transportation
Punctuation problem
transportation,
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 since you can order online.
Consequently
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, the product will be delivered to your home .
On the other hand
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,
one
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 of the primary disadvantages is that physical shopping can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
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,
for example
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, if you need
Use synonyms
one item to buy
Correct word order
to buy one item
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 it you need to use a transportation
way
Check wording
method
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 to collect it and back home.
This
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 will cost you money and time
considering
Punctuation problem
, considering
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 buying multiple products on the same day.
Moreover
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,
people
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 used to enjoy shopping with their families,
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this
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but this
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 is no longer
used
Verb problem
the case
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, since online shopping is increasingly available.
This
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 means that relationships between family members are slightly affected. In conclusion,
although
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 online shopping affects families' relationships and
losing
Verb problem
replaces
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one
Use synonyms
 of the main exercises, the benefits
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such
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, such
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 as saving
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 and suitable prices to are more significant in the long term.
Therefore
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, I believe the advantages clearly outweigh the disadvantages.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This helps the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points clearly. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repeating phrases or ideas, as this can weaken your writing. Instead, use different ways to say the same thing.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction, which is good for setting up your argument.
task achievement
You provided both advantages and disadvantages, showing you understand the topic well. This adds depth to your essay.
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