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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social,and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?*

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Introduction
In
morden
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modern
 life,
children
Use synonyms
 are
exposing
Wrong verb form
exposed to
show examples
 a
lof
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lot
show examples
 of pressures from education,
socail
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social
 and commercial views.
This
Linking Words
assey
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essay
 will discuss the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue and
sugguests
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suggests
 the possible
soultions
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solutions
.
Body · 1
One primary reason for these pressures on
children
Use synonyms
, particularly social
pressure
Punctuation problem
pressure,
show examples
 is the growing social media. In
thses
Correct your spelling
these
 platforms,
parents
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 shown
an
Correct article usage
apply
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unreal and
highstandard
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high-standard
pictures of their
children
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a viral
vedio
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video
 of a child
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 talking about climate change can affect
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
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expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
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to
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for
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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childeren
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children
.
as
Fix capitalization
As
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result
Correct article usage
a result
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Punctuation problem
,
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children
Use synonyms
 are encouraged or
enforced
Verb problem
forced
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 to gain a level of knowledge or confidence.
Body · 2
To tackle
this
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 issue, schools should
be taken
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 some measures to stop or at least reduce
this
Linking Words
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
shcool
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school
 should be
gaind thier
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gaining their
 social levels as
as
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apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 only evaluation organ
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be
by
Verb problem
done by
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 defining the creative form of IQ tests.
Moreover
Linking Words
, increasing the
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
another step.
For example
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
awer
Correct your spelling
aware
 that a lot of content on social media
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 financial goals for
their owner
Fix the agreement mistake
its owners
show examples
, they would not
comparecan
Verb problem
compare their
show examples
 own child with them.
Conclusion
In conclusion, recently there are veraity pressure on
children
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
 social media
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 the main reason.
Howevre
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However
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
 can be addressed by
shcools meaurments
Correct your spelling
school measurements
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction and support them in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the flow of your essay.
general
Check your spelling and grammar. This will make your writing easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good for structure.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
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