Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today's world, there is a big debate about whether
government
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the government
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should be allowed to
access
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people
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's mobile phone records and
messages
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. Some
people
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think it is important for national security,
while
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others argue that
this
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is an invasion of privacy and should not be allowed without permission.
This
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essay will discuss both sides and give my own opinion. On one hand, supporters of government surveillance argue that it helps in maintaining national security. If authorities have
access
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to
people
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's calls and
messages
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, they can detect criminals and prevent serious crimes
such
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as terrorist attacks.
For instance
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, if police suspect someone is planning
a
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an
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attack, having
access
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to their
messages
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can help stop it before it happens.
Moreover
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, in emergency situations, being able to track a person's communication can help rescue operations or find missing persons.
Therefore
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, allowing government
access
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can help protect
the
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apply
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society from dangers.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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believe that mobile phone data is private, and giving governments
access
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to it is a violation of human rights.
People
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have a right to keep their conversations secret, and if authorities have unchecked
access
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, it could lead to misuse of power. In some countries, corrupt governments use
this
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information to monitor political opponents or regular citizens without any proper reason.
Additionally
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, knowing that their
messages
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are being watched,
people
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may feel uncomfortable expressing their thoughts freely. In my opinion,
although
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security is important,
people
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's privacy should not be compromised. Governments should only
access
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personal
messages
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in very special cases,
such
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as serious threats, and there must be clear laws to ensure it is not abused.
Overall
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,
while
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surveillance has benefits, it should not be a free pass for authorities to invade
people
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's private lives.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and ideas.
task achievement
Expand your conclusion to summarize main points more clearly.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction that sets up the discussion well.
coherence and cohesion
Your discussion of both sides is balanced and thoughtful.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • access
  • privacy
  • communication data
  • public safety
  • terrorist activities
  • serious crimes
  • monitoring
  • tracked
  • unauthorized access
  • fundamental human right
  • abuse of power
  • infringement
  • trust in governmental institutions
  • surveillance capabilities
  • government power
  • overreach
  • strict regulations
  • accountability measures
  • individual rights
  • potential misuse
  • swift interventions
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