IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#poverty #countries #six #years #education #child #children #numbers
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Some
people
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 believe that the best form to decrease
poverty
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 in poor countries is by
education
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. To be more specific, the government should offer at least
six
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years
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 of free
education
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 for everybody.
As a result
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, children would be able to read, write, and do calculations. I partially agree because I think that only
six
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years
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not enough to change lives. There are several measures that need to be taken to put an end to
poverty
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. There is no doubt that
education
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 is a powerful tool that helps
people
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 to achieve a better life, and escape from
poverty
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.
For example
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, many researches have shown that
people
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 with higher
education
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 receive better salaries.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who do not know writing, reading or dealing with numbers have difficulty finding jobs or will just find survival jobs.
However
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, only basic skills acquired at primary school are not enough to move
people
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 into higher social classes. It is necessary to
further
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education
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,
such
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 as graduation and postgraduation. Nowadays, the competition among employees is very hard and any detail makes a difference in getting a good job.
For
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this
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 reason, providing only
six
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years
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 of
education
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 free of charge is too few. I believe that all
education
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, from pre-school to tertiary
education
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 should be free for everyone.
Moreover
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, it is necessary to offer the first job opportunity to youngers or lend some money to them to start their own business. These are the only ways to make competition for jobs and success in the capitalist system fairer because those who are already wealthy begin the run to success some miles ahead. All in all, I think that
education
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 can transform lives for real, but it takes time, money, and dedication. Poor
people
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 sometimes have to choose between working or studying. So, the only manner to encourage kids in lower social classes to maintain their studies is with help from governments, not just for
six
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years
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 but for all
education
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 periods.
As a consequence
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,
poverty
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 can be reduced in developing nations.
Submitted by fmulato on

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task achievement
Consider incorporating more specific examples from real-life situations or studies to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay demonstrates good coherence, breaking down paragraphs into more manageable sizes with clear topic sentences could enhance readability.
task achievement
For higher scores, expanding on how governments could feasibly offer extended education for free could add depth to your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-argued stance with a nuanced perspective on the limitations of six years of free education.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of transitions and logical flow of ideas from paragraph to paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • economic growth
  • skilled workforce
  • investment
  • employment opportunities
  • break the cycle of poverty
  • informed decisions
  • healthcare
  • infrastructure
  • access to technology
  • stable governance
  • challenges
  • cultural barriers
  • free education
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