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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor, while others disagree and say that it is helping reduce the gap. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #gap
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While
 certain
people
 believe that technological
advancement
 is expanding the
gap
 between the rich and the poor, others disagree and think the opposite.
This
 essay will discuss both views and state my opinion. On one hand, the
advancement
 of
technology
 can contribute to inequality between the rich and the poor. Some technological gadgets require high expenses.
Therefore
, low-income
people
 will hardly have
access
 to those with high costs, leading to limited
access
 to the rich.
In addition
, technological
advancement
 leads to job losses. With the extreme reliance on high-
technology
 instruments,
such
 as automated machines,
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 will be replaced more or less by these machines.
On the other hand
, modern
technology
 helps reduce the
gap
 between high and
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
people
 in multiple aspects.
Firstly
, the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 offers full
access
 to information and free education. Many institutions offer online courses at affordable prices, which can provide
access
 for the poor to education, workshops and certain skills that will be beneficial for their career.
Moreover
, it provides an opportunity for
people
 with lower resources to start a business with a low initial cost
due to
 the fact that the operation can be managed online. In my opinion, I firmly agree with the latter statement and believe that modern
technology
 can cause numerous life and career benefits to
people
. With the right policies and initiatives implemented by the authorities to ensure equal
access
 to
technology
, its potential to bridge the
gap
 can be fully realized. In conclusion,
although
 technological
advancement
 has led to job losses and inequality within society, it helps reduce the
gap
 between the rich and the poor by providing beneficial opportunities, including
access
 to education and business opportunities.
Submitted by bellchatpavee on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to enhance the argument. For instance, mentioning specific online platforms or success stories can strengthen the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and logically transitions to the next. While the essay does this well, there is always room for smoother transitions.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, which effectively covers the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly presenting the topic and summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression with well-supported main points in each paragraph, maintaining a clear and coherent structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic status
  • wealth inequality
  • infrastructure
  • tech-enhanced learning
  • automate
  • low-skill jobs
  • digital platforms
  • mobile banking
  • financial services
  • e-commerce
  • democratizing
  • marginalized
  • public-private partnerships
  • digital literacy
  • social entrepreneurs
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