IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people claim that marrying at
age
Use synonyms
 21 is the best
age
Use synonyms
 for
marriage
Use synonyms
 because they believe that those who
married
Wrong verb form
marry
show examples
 at
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 are
marture
Correct your spelling
mature
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 others claim that marrying at
age
Use synonyms
 21 is very young because they need to focus on themselves,
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
as well as
show examples
 on their future. I personally am of the opinion that
marriage
Use synonyms
 at
age
Use synonyms
 21 is
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 to marry if they find
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 person.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I would argue that marrying at
age
Use synonyms
 21 is nice if you find your soulmate because they are adult, responsible for themselves, mature enough, and can be able to build a family. One of the positive things to marry young is to have children to grow with them,
also
Linking Words
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 relationship with them will be amazing. When they are grown up, you will
be still
Correct word order
still be
show examples
 in your youth.
For instance
Linking Words
,
My
Fix capitalization
my
show examples
 cousin married at
age
Use synonyms
 20; she became
mom
Correct article usage
a mom
show examples
 at
age
Use synonyms
 21. Her
childern currenltly
Correct your spelling
children currently
 are in their
twentiese
Correct your spelling
twenties
 and she is in
early
Correct pronoun usage
her early
show examples
fourties
Correct your spelling
forties
. Early
marriage
Use synonyms
 made her
flourished
Wrong verb form
flourish
show examples
 in her body and face. It impacted
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
her life in a better way; her personality became stronger
also
Linking Words
 became an extrovert
knows
Correct pronoun usage
who knows
show examples
 how to deal
woth
Correct your spelling
with
 people in
efficient
Correct article usage
an efficient
show examples
 way.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Others claim that marrying at
age
Use synonyms
 21 is very young to
maryy
Correct your spelling
marry
 because in
thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
 that young adults should focus on their studies and themselves. They say that young adults have to focus on their education
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
marriage
Use synonyms
, once young adults pursue their educational degree and obtain it. If they gain a job and have their own income, they can start to get
marry
Replace the word
married
show examples
 and build a family.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that marrying at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 is the best decision to take,
also
Linking Words
 you will
be still
Correct word order
still be
show examples
 young when
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
 children become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
. It will impact on your life in a positive way.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and keep the focus on that idea throughout.
task response
Add more detail and explanations to your points to strengthen your argument.
language use
Work on spelling and grammar to improve the overall quality of your essay.
relevant examples
You provide personal examples to support your ideas, which adds to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
What to do next:
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