Some people believe that the government should be responsible for public health, while others think that individuals should be responsible for their own health. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Health
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is one of the most important aspects of human life and a key indicator of a country’s development. Many people think that the government should be in charge of taking care of public
health
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,
while
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others argue that individuals are responsible for their own fitness. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both views and explain why I personally think that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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is more responsible than the public. On one hand, those who support the idea that states, society members should be responsible
of
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for
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their strength have several reasons. The primary reason is that
,
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apply
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they are aware and mature enough to make their own decision whether they want to follow a healthy lifestyle or not. In fact, they
also
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have the ability to try as many habits as possible until they discover the lifestyle that suits them to follow, without any external pressure.A study published by New York University in 2020 concluded that 90% of people who stay fit and strong are keeping up their productivity because they are passionate about what they are doing.
As a result
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, Members of society will become more aware of the importance of
health
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due to
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individuals'
effort
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efforts
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.
On the other hand
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,others oppose that idea and believe that authorities play a major role in making changes in public
health
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. They can raise citizens' awareness towards the importance of
health
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in many different ways.
Firstly
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, by launching campaigns that prioritise the idea of staying in shape and doing exercises.
Secondly
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,schools should increase physical activity for the youngsters.
Thirdly
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, governmental ministries have to build
health
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clubs so that all population can benefit.
Therefore
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, states should keep up the hard work. In conclusion, all views have their merits. In my opinion, I see that authorities have a remarkable impact on their population more than individuals have on each other.

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task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs have a clear main idea that connects logically to the others.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structure to make your writing more interesting.
task achievement
You clearly stated both views in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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