IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

successful sports professionals can earn much more money than people in other important jobs. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent years, there has been a debate about
Correct word choice
whether Professionals
show examples
Professionals
Replace the word
professional
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 can earn
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people much more
money
Use synonyms
 form another job. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I believe that we can get a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 from professional
sports
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
I ithink
show examples
ithink
Correct your spelling
think
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 are very important
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 we can earn much of
money
Use synonyms
specific
Change preposition
from specific
show examples
 football
sport
Check wording
apply
show examples
. The first reason is that
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 are very important in our life to keep
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body healthy and strong.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I believe that
can
Correct pronoun usage
I can
show examples
 earn much of
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 week
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 went with my friend to
padel
Correct article usage
a padel
show examples
 match and me with my friend we joined to padel champion and we won first
placed
Replace the word
place
show examples
Punctuation problem
. the
show examples
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 boss who made
this
Linking Words
 champion
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gave us 1000 dollars only from
champion
Correct article usage
the champion
show examples
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
. that
show examples
that
Fix capitalization
That
show examples
 is a big thing
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 professional
Use synonyms
sports
Punctuation problem
sports,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can earn much more
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 the idea that
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a dream about professional
sports
Use synonyms
keep
Verb problem
should keep
show examples
 going and
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
stob
Use the right word
stop
show examples
 because
these
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can make you a hero and
rich
Correct article usage
a rich
show examples
men
Fix the agreement mistake
man
show examples
 and
feel
Verb problem
make
show examples
 you happy.
However
Linking Words
, some people believe that it is unfair for professional athletes to earn
such
Linking Words
 high salaries. They argue that many other jobs,
such
Linking Words
 as teaching, medicine, or emergency services, are more important to society.
For instance
Linking Words
, doctors save lives every day and go through many years of education and training, yet their income is often much lower than that of a football player. These people believe that salaries should reflect the value and difficulty of the work, not just how popular or entertaining it is. In conclusion, I believe that professional
sports
Use synonyms
 are very important
to earn
Change preposition
for earning
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 than regular jobs. The reasons above clearly show why I support
this
Linking Words
 idea.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear introduction that states your opinion directly.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread for grammatical errors and typos to improve the overall quality of writing.
task achievement
You provided examples to support your argument, which is a good start.
task achievement
You expressed your opinion clearly, showing your stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: