IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think the government should subsidise fruits and vegetables to make healthy food more affordable. Others argue that the government should tax unhealthy food instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people believe that the government should provide grants to fruit and vegetable suppliers to make healthy
food
Use synonyms
 more accessible and affordable.
Conversely
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, others argue that it would be more effective for the government to increase the price of
junk
Use synonyms
food
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 through taxation.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints before reaching a conclusion. First and foremost, healthy
food
Use synonyms
 is often too expensive for families, leading them to opt for cheaper
junk
Use synonyms
food
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. By offering subsidies to suppliers of fruits and vegetables, the government can help lower their production costs.
As a result
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, farmers can reduce their prices
while
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 still maintaining profitability.
This
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 not only benefits farmers but
also
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 allows families of all incomes to afford healthier ingredients for their meals.
On the other hand
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, imposing taxes on unhealthy foods,
such
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 as
junk
Use synonyms
food
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, can lead to higher prices for these products, which may deter consumers from purchasing them.
This
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 could limit the consumption of unhealthy foods and encourage individuals to choose healthier and more affordable options like fruits and vegetables.
However
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, there are drawbacks to
this
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 approach.
For example
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, some individuals may resort to illegal markets to evade the tax increase.
Moreover
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, even with higher prices, there is no guarantee that the sales of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 will decline, as these products tend to be addictive and appealing. In conclusion, I firmly believe that providing subsidies to suppliers or farmers would yield more beneficial outcomes than taxing
junk
Use synonyms
food
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.
This
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 strategy supports both sellers and consumers
while
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 helping to prevent the illegal sale of untaxed
food
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the impacts of subsidies and taxes.
coherence and cohesion
Try to clearly link your ideas between sentences and paragraphs for better flow. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'however', 'meanwhile'.
strong structure
The introduction clearly states both sides of the argument and sets up the essay well.
clear opinion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, making it clear what you believe is the better approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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