some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is the positie pr a negative development?
Nowadays, the young generation spends too much
time
in front of the screen of their phones. In my point of view, this
is a bad habit, and we should stop because of a lot of injuries, which may lead to.
This
is happening because of the availability of these gadgets to children
. From a young age, they know how to use the phone and cannot imagine their life without it. For example
, if parents prevent their kids from using the phone for a long time
by limiting the number of hours, they will be able to appreciate the right things and create a really happy person for themselves. Therefore
, children
are spending too much time
on smartphones because of their parents, who are not controlling it and have irresponsible attitudes to this
issue.
This
has a very negative impact on the physical and mental health of children
and teenagers. The main reason for this
is that it can lead to a lot of problems like addiction, problems with eyesight, and not being able to communicate with real people and others. For example
, by spending a lot of time
with smartphones, children
are more likely to back off of reality, which may influence some complexes in the future and in communication. So, that is
why, they need to have limitations in using it and be focused on more useful exercises.
In conclusion, in my point of view, parents should control the usage of gadgets by their children
. Instead
of ignoring this
problem, they may teach them to distribute their time
in a way, which may be beneficial in the future.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next for heightened coherence.
task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or studies to back up the arguments, rather than only stating common issues such as screen addiction.
task achievement
Try to discuss potential positive aspects briefly, even if you primarily see the development as negative, to provide a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The main points about the impact of smartphone usage on health and social skills are clear and relevant.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains focus on the task throughout and demonstrates a consistent viewpoint.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite