IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Countries provide a large amount of help to creators; others say that it is a misuse of
money
Use synonyms
 that could have been used
elsewhere
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
 artisans need significant assistance at the beginning of their careers, I believe that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on health is far more important. On the one hand, painters should be supported by their government because it is very difficult for them to start from scratch. Without sufficient financial assistance at their beginnings, many are likely to give up early.
As a result
Linking Words
, states ought to pay more attention to them, as they face numerous challenges in pursuing their artistic paths.
For example
Linking Words
, Rahaj Khan, a renowned Indian artist, stated that he struggled at the start of his career
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of support in his home country, and he even considered quitting painting several times.
Therefore
Linking Words
, he established PZO, a free foundation aimed at helping emerging artists.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on healthcare should be prioritised.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are those who believe that governments squander their
money
Use synonyms
 when they give it to artists. They think that there are so many other departments,
such
Linking Words
 as education, infrastructure and health, that need attention and are underfunded.
For example
Linking Words
, in every country in the world, there are still incurable diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, and the whole country would benefit if there were more attention given to finding a cure. I believe health is much more worthy of state spending because it saves lives,
whereas
Linking Words
 art is quite useless in
this
Linking Words
 regard. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 supporting creatives of all kinds of arts is going to produce a lot of masterpieces, it can't cure the ill or increase people’s biological age, and
that is
Linking Words
 why healthcare is far more important.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state your opinion on the issue. This helps guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using more linking words, like 'however' or 'furthermore'. This can help connect your points better.
task achievement
Provide one more example of a healthcare issue to strengthen your argument about its importance.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like that of Rahaj Khan, helps to illustrate your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • culture
  • creativity
  • economic growth
  • tourism
  • social development
  • personal development
  • merit
  • financial support
  • balanced
  • transparent
What to do next:
Look at other essays: