IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be the first necessity for spending
taxes
Use synonyms
 by the government.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others say it should not be the priority. I believe,
while
Linking Words
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of important needs,
health
Use synonyms
 should be the most significant one. It cannot be denied that
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 quality of life mostly depends on
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the reason for paying
taxes
Use synonyms
 is providing a good life quality and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
taxpayer
Check wording
apply
show examples
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
show examples
expect
Check wording
taxpayers expect
show examples
 more
improvments
Correct your spelling
improvements
 in the
health
Use synonyms
 system and put it
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 first priority.
For instance
Linking Words
,
healthcare
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
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 for almost %60 of the total tax expenditure in one of the most developed countries, Denmark.
This
Linking Words
 example
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 us a clear
understading
Correct your spelling
understanding
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Health
Use synonyms
always
Verb problem
is always
show examples
prior
Rephrase
more
show examples
 to than other needs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe there are more significant
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
 to spend the
taxes
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as in search of fresh water resources, education and science.
While
Linking Words
 it is true to say that the priorities are totally different for each person,
actually
Rephrase
apply
show examples
without a strong
health
Use synonyms
 system, these issues become less important immediately.
However
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who
claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
show examples
 these needs should be
prior
Use the right word
prioritised
show examples
, mostly
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 the developed countries and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 excellent
health
Use synonyms
 services. In conclusion, from the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of humanity,
health
Use synonyms
 was always the most significant issue for each civilisation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should aim to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 by using
taxes
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of matters which can be solved by taxpayers' money, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 believe
health
Use synonyms
 is always first.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state both views and your opinion more explicitly. Consider rephrasing your thesis statement to clarify your position.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use simple and clear connections between your ideas. Use linking words better to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples that show how health affects other sectors, and think about including a counter-argument to enhance the discussion.
task achievement
You have shown a good understanding of both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main point well, which helps to reinforce your opinion.
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