In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In many parts of the world,
stress
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is becoming increasingly common among the population.
This
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essay will explain the main causes of
this
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phenomenon,
such
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as increased
work
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pressure
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and time spent on the roads, and will propose viable solutions, including implementing
work
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-life balance and a policy to reduce the use of private vehicles. One major trigger of
stress
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is the
work
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pressure
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from the workplace.
This
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is because most workers have a significant number of responsibilities that they have to bear and must be finished by a tight deadline.
Furthermore
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, the
pressure
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does not only stem from their main job, but
also
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from external factors
such
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as the competition with other employees to secure positions.
In addition
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, after completing their
work
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, most
also
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got stuck in a traffic jam for long hours.
This
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will contribute to an increasing
stress
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level, as they are already tired but still need to experience the burdensome event.
For instance
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, many workforces in South Jakarta, a region with
most
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the most
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frequent traffic congestion in Jakarta, worked overtime and still had to spend around two to three hours on the road.
This
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condition leads to an increasing number of individuals suffering from poor mental and physical health. To address the
work
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-related issue, the
government
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should introduce a policy requiring all corporations to implement
work
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-life balance arrangements.
This
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includes regulating the proper working hours in a day and imposing fines on corporations that violate the law.
Moreover
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, to reduce the duration that individuals spend on the road, the
government
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should enforce a law limiting the private cars in certain business district areas. Both interventions done by the
government
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will help decrease the people's
stress
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rate and, in the long run, will enhance individuals'
overall
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well-being and life quality. In conclusion, the upward trend of people, especially workers, experiencing
stress
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is mainly caused by the
pressure
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at
work
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and the long duration spent on the road. Those complex causes can be tackled by the
government
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enacting policies on
work
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-life balance and limiting the use of private vehicles.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the main points, but adding a brief outline for the essay could make it stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words between paragraphs and ideas to improve flow and readability.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, make sure to clearly connect your examples to your main ideas for better support.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure to make your writing more engaging and to show a range of language use.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from your experience, which helps to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally clear, with a good introduction, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
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