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Band 6

When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#town #parks #sports #facilities #centres #people #time
Some
people
 think that in planning a new city, it is more important to construct public
parks
 and
sports
 venues than shopping malls where
people
 spend their leisure time. I totally agree with
this
 idea because
parks
 and
sports
 facilities bring more benefits to the citizens in
long
Add an article
the long
show examples
 term than shopping centres do. In general, shopping centres attract a lot of
people
 and promote trade and job creation, but the main part of the profits is concentrated in a few big companies. Consumers like to spend their free time and their money in shopping malls, because it gives a sensation of prosperity and security.
Moreover
, everybody ends up consuming something in their shops, and sometimes, poor
people
 are kept away from these places.
Besides
, more shopping areas than green spaces promote
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle and consumerism.
On the other hand
, public
parks
 and
sports
 spaces normally are free of charge and are an opportunity to keep in contact with nature and live a healthier life. In the medium and long term,
this
 kind of facility is more important to towns, and it helps to promote health and leisure for all social classes.
Furthermore
,
this
 policy helps the environment and biodiversity. So,
to conclude
, I believe
that is
 more important to design public areas for
parks
 and places to do
sports
 than building shop areas. The entrepreneurs will find locales to do their business anyway.
However
, the public power has the responsibility to encourage outdoor activities and a better lifestyle through free public venues like
sports
 facilities and
parks
.
Submitted by fmulato on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Some points may benefit from being expanded and interconnected with transitional phrases for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your main points by providing more detailed supporting examples or facts to underpin your argument effectively.
task achievement
Address a full response to all parts of the task. While your agreement with the statement is clear, consider discussing potential drawbacks of your viewpoint in order to provide a more balanced perspective.
task achievement
Make sure your ideas are well-developed and comprehensive. While your essay provides a clear stance, extending some paragraphs with more depth and complexity can enhance the overall quality.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your argument. Examples that are relevant and accurately illustrate your points will strengthen your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban planning
  • recreational areas
  • green spaces
  • cityscape
  • well-being
  • pedestrian-friendly
  • ecosystem
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • consumer culture
  • retail therapy
  • land use
  • zoning regulations
  • ecological footprint
  • sustainable development
  • infrastructure
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