IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

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There are controversial conceptions heating up a debate about whether the state ought to fund the
healthcare
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system
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 and
education
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.
While
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 some claim that it is necessary for the government to pour money into medical
care
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 and the educational
system
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, the opposite assumes that it is not the state’s liability. In my opinion, the government ought to provide financial support but it is not necessary for them to take full responsibility for these fees. Without a shadow of a doubt, the authority should finance medical
care
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 and schooling. And the explanation for
this
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 is that both the
healthcare
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system
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 and the educational
system
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 help
work forces
Correct your spelling
workforces
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 to enhance their knowledge and physical health, which contributes to the growth of their countries.
For instance
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, Germany and Holland, which are developing nations, not only offer free tuition and scholarships for students but
also
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 provide medical insurance for their residents to boost their economy.
Thus
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, it is vital for the state to pour money into
healthcare
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 and
education
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.
While
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 the necessity of financial assistance for medical
care
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 and schooling is widely acknowledged, the governors should not pay full for these two aspects. Since the authorities have to pay for plenty of alternative aspects, dwellers ought to take accountability for paying
healthcare
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 and
education
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 in order to protect their health and guarantee the quality of studying. Building infrastructure, fostering tourism
service
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services
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 and expanding the entertainment industry can be cited as compelling examples
for
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of
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 other expenses that the governments have to invest in.
Moreover
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, if the authorities spend money entirely on the
healthcare
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system
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 and schooling, it is not fair for residents who are not related to social evils.
Therefore
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, expenditures from the educational
system
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 and medical
care
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 should not be paid fully by the governors. In conclusion,
although
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 financing
healthcare
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 and
education
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 is imperative for the development of a country, the state had not better pay these expenses entirely.

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Task Achievement
Ensure a stronger connection between main points and examples. The essay introduces concepts of health and education being crucial for a country's development, but the examples provided (Germany and Holland) could be elaborated further to demonstrate specifically how these investments have led to economic growth.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on your essay's structure by making sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and the following sentences elaborate on that topic. Use transitions effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, focus on providing clear, comprehensive examples that directly support your main points. Consider using case studies, statistical data, or historical examples to make your argument more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human rights
  • boosts the country's economy
  • productivity
  • public funding
  • equality and accessibility
  • socio-economic status
  • privatized
  • disparities
  • prioritize
  • people's well-being
  • inefficiencies
  • bureaucratic challenges
  • mixed approach
  • optimize
  • quality
  • availability
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