IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Caring for children is very important for our society. Therefore all mother's and father's should take a child care training course. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The birth of a
child
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 is a joyful moment for every parent.
However
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, for
parents
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 to successfully support their
child
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's development, they must be well-prepared and work in coordination with one another.
This
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 includes learning basic
childcare
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 skills to ensure the baby’s health and safety. I believe that all
parents
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 should take a
childcare
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 training course, especially considering the demands of modern life and the lack of natural preparation for parenting.
To begin
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 with, many young
parents
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 struggle to understand the basic needs of a newborn.
For example
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, they may not know what type of food is suitable, when to allow the
child
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 to rest, or how to maintain proper hygiene. These gaps in knowledge can lead to harmful mistakes.
Moreover
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, many young couples may not have planned for a
child
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 and are
therefore
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 unprepared mentally, emotionally, or financially. Taking a
childcare
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 course can give them the confidence and knowledge they need to care for their
child
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 safely and responsibly.
Furthermore
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,
childcare
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 training helps reduce family stress and improves the chances of raising a well-balanced
child
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. Statistics have shown that poor parenting skills can lead to conflict between
parents
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 and may even affect the
child
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’s emotional development. In extreme cases, children may end up in foster care, which can place emotional strain on families and financial strain on the government. By ensuring both
parents
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 are trained and ready, society can reduce these negative outcomes and encourage stronger family units. In conclusion, requiring
parents
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 to complete a
childcare
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 training course can lead to better family relationships, healthier children, and more stable households. I strongly believe that
this
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 kind of training should be encouraged, especially for first-time
parents
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, to promote a more nurturing and prepared society.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents your main idea. To improve, you could add a specific example or statistic to make it stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas flow well from one to another. However, consider using more linking words to guide the reader through your points more smoothly.
task achievement
You provide good examples in your body paragraphs. Using more specific real-life examples could make your argument even more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You express your ideas clearly and address the topic well, demonstrating a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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