IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspapers and TV programs has bad consequence, so this kind of information should be restricted on media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A section of
society
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 asserts that presenting detailed criminal descriptions in the media may conspicuously affect the increase in the
crime
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rate
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, and
this
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 should be prohibited. Albeit there is a dichotomy of views on
this
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 concern, I harbour the belief that
this
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 apprehension is totally unwarranted. But it should beg for some sort of exemplifications and justifications. There is a well-evident fact that the majority of crimes may be thoroughly bound with extreme poverty, social discrimination, marginalisation, internal aggression and a sense of avengement.
Also
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, it may be fuel for vulnerable authoritative rules and incapable government decisions. Throughout my essay, I will venture and pursue a speculative hypothesis by elaborating on my perception. At the same time, just as crucially , it is conceived as subject to the standard of formal assessment of the basic requirement of logical rigour and conceptual precision. No one can deny the importance of reducing the
crime
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rate
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 in
society
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 because it may rudimentally create social tension, fragmentation, and conflicts.
However
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, some people argue that the increasing
crime
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rate
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 is directly proportional to the way
crime
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 is portrayed on television. But that's not true, and that helps to reduce the
crime
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rate
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, because
then
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 everyone knows if anyone is involved in
crime
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, they will be caught one day.
Also
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, an overwhelming
crime
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rate
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 may mostly foster negative social and religious impacts, sense of pride, family violence and biological egotism. Contemporary liberal
society
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 has placed a high premium on a peaceful and non-violent
society
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.
Therefore
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, they always assume the government should take responsibility for making a peaceful
society
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 through implementing new rules and strengthening the law. In conclusion, there is no direct proportional way to increase the
crime
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rate
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 through presenting
crime
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 in the media. But the media can deliver possible ways to face any
crime
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 and how to secure it.

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task achievement
Your introduction is a bit unclear. Try to state your opinion more clearly and make sure it relates directly to the topic.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it connects well with the next one. This will help your essay flow better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You have good ideas about the reasons behind crime, which shows deep thinking.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes your main point well. This is a good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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