There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, the fact is that there a growing pressure on young residents to have great academic achievements.
Therefore
, some people suppose that some extra subjects
such
as physical classes and cookery, should be eliminated from the student timetable. As a result
, learners can pay attention to academic studies. In my opinion, I am partly convinced by this
statement.
On the one hand, removing some distracted classes can be a great chance to advance scholars' academic work. Because of the development of the world and economic market, so there are
more Correct subject-verb agreement
is
competitive
in seeking jobs. Replace the word
competition
Besides
, companies tend to hire skilled employees. Therefore
, educational institutions should organize some useful schemes to improve skills
like analytical skills
and logical thinking. For example
, instead
of learning physical education or cookery, the local authorities can cooperate with educators to hold English events or fairs to encourage students to develop their English and communication skills
.
On the other hand
, there are some issues that need to pay attention to. First,
students are regularly under pressure from work and studies. Hence
, having extra classes like music or cookery can help them relax after stressful hours. Furthermore
, just studying dry subjects
can be counterproductive. Children can feel bored, and this
can lead to dropout or reduced learning performance. Besides
, there are lots of social skills
can
serve their lives. Correct pronoun usage
that can
For instance
, college learners usually live alone, so they have to know how to take care of themselves.
In conclusion, I just agree that schools or universities should limit non-academic subjects
instead
of removing them. Additionally
, children also
have enough awareness to balance both types of subjects
.Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
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task achievement
Although your essay presents a clear reaction to the task, it can benefit from developed ideas and examples. For instance, when discussing how removing non-academic subjects can boost academic performance, provide specific examples of how particular academic skills would be improved.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logical and well-organized overall, but ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, more cohesive devices and transitions could be helpful in connecting your paragraphs seamlessly for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid some repetitive vocabulary and instead use varied expressions. Additionally, improving your sentence structures with more complex and varied sentences can elevate your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
task achievement
The points you mentioned about the pressure on students and the importance of balancing academic and non-academic subjects are well-taken and relevant.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, and each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic.