There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, the fact is that there a growing pressure on young residents to have great academic achievements.
Therefore
, some people suppose that some extra Linking Words
subjects
Use synonyms
such
as physical classes and cookery, should be eliminated from the student timetable. Linking Words
As a result
, learners can pay attention to academic studies. In my opinion, I am partly convinced by Linking Words
this
statement.
On the one hand, removing some distracted classes can be a great chance to advance scholars' academic work. Because of the development of the world and economic market, so there Linking Words
are
more Correct subject-verb agreement
is
competitive
in seeking jobs. Replace the word
competition
Besides
, companies tend to hire skilled employees. Linking Words
Therefore
, educational institutions should organize some useful schemes to improve Linking Words
skills
like analytical Use synonyms
skills
and logical thinking. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
instead
of learning physical education or cookery, the local authorities can cooperate with educators to hold English events or fairs to encourage students to develop their English and communication Linking Words
skills
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, there are some issues that need to pay attention to. Linking Words
First,
students are regularly under pressure from work and studies. Linking Words
Hence
, having extra classes like music or cookery can help them relax after stressful hours. Linking Words
Furthermore
, just studying dry Linking Words
subjects
can be counterproductive. Children can feel bored, and Use synonyms
this
can lead to dropout or reduced learning performance. Linking Words
Besides
, there are lots of social Linking Words
skills
Use synonyms
can
serve their lives. Correct pronoun usage
that can
For instance
, college learners usually live alone, so they have to know how to take care of themselves.
In conclusion, I just agree that schools or universities should limit non-academic Linking Words
subjects
Use synonyms
instead
of removing them. Linking Words
Additionally
, children Linking Words
also
have enough awareness to balance both types of Linking Words
subjects
.Use synonyms
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Although your essay presents a clear reaction to the task, it can benefit from developed ideas and examples. For instance, when discussing how removing non-academic subjects can boost academic performance, provide specific examples of how particular academic skills would be improved.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logical and well-organized overall, but ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, more cohesive devices and transitions could be helpful in connecting your paragraphs seamlessly for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid some repetitive vocabulary and instead use varied expressions. Additionally, improving your sentence structures with more complex and varied sentences can elevate your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
task achievement
The points you mentioned about the pressure on students and the importance of balancing academic and non-academic subjects are well-taken and relevant.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, and each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic.