Some people believe that having childern leads to happiness. Do you think that people who do not have children can find happiness? What other factors in a person's life affect happiness?

#people #childern #happiness #children #factors #person #life

Many

people

gauge that having children leads to joyfulness,

however

this

can often be very misleading. There are many other factors that can bring

happiness

, and I think that the most important factor is good

health

. First of all, all of the

people

deserve to be happy and find joy in their life. Having children may be one kind of source of

happiness

but actually, our source to become happy is limitless in

this

life.

People

basically can be cheerful just because they

finally

be able to talk to their idol, or perhaps they just get accepted for the job.

Therefore

it is clear that

people

who decide to not have a child still be able to be happy but they should have a thing that they love.

However

, in my opinion, the key factor that leads to

happiness

is good

health

. There are words that claim a healthy person has a lot of things to achieve, but a sick person only needs to be healthy for the achievement. | strongly agree with

this

statement because how do we get

happiness

if we can not do something? Is it staying in bed all the time

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

our life

fill

Wrong verb form

filled

show examples

with joy?

For instance

, if we are ill, it would require us to stay at home and rest to recover.

Thus

, good body condition

as well as

mental

health

is one of the keys that bring

happiness

Change preposition

show examples

our lives.

To conclude

, | strongly believe that

although

there are

people

who do not have children in their lives, they still are able and deserve to find their joyfulness through other things

such

as having a chance to contact their idol or getting accepted from the office.

However

, good

health

is the most influential factor that leads to

happiness

Submitted by rezaf.permadi on Tue Jan 02 2024

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task response

Make sure to directly address all parts of the question prompt throughout the essay. The question asks for your opinion on happiness without children and other factors that affect happiness, and your essay should have a more balanced discussion on both aspects.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that the essay is well-structured with clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea with supporting sentences that are directly related to the topic sentence.

coherence and cohesion

Use a variety of linking words and phrases to create coherent paragraphs and to help the reader follow the argument

task achievement

Include specific examples to illustrate and support your ideas. These examples should be relevant and detailed to effectively back up your points about happiness without children and other factors that influence happiness.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

297 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that having childern leads to happiness. Do you think that people who do not have children can find happiness? What other factors in a person's life affect happiness?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults . Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that work is the most important thing of people’s life. Without the success of career, life become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace. With today’s technology this process is happening at a greater rate. Technology is increasingly responsible for unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In order to be successful in sport, some people think you have to be physically strong. Others say that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.