IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that money makes life easier and more comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more trouble. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

In today’s world, many
people
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 believe that
money
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 is essential for living a luxurious life,
while
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 others argue that wealthy
individuals
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 often face significant disadvantages.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives and explain why I believe the advantages of having
money
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 slightly outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, financial difficulties are a major reason why
people
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 experience stress and limitations in life.
For example
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, someone with a low income may struggle to afford basic necessities like medicine or nutritious food.
In contrast
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, wealthy
individuals
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 can easily meet both their essential and luxury needs. They can travel frequently, invest in hobbies, and enjoy modern inventions and technologies as soon as they are released. In fact, rich
people
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 often gain respect and recognition in society, and they are in a better position to make donations or support welfare programs without worrying about financial strain.
On the other hand
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, wealth
also
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 brings certain challenges. One of the main issues is that it can be difficult for wealthy
individuals
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 to trust others, as some
people
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 may pretend to be friends just to gain financial benefits.
Moreover
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, having a large amount of
money
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 and property requires constant protection and monitoring, which can lead to anxiety and reduce personal freedom. In some cases, rich
individuals
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 feel stressed about maintaining their wealth, which may disturb their peace of mind. In conclusion,
although
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 being rich offers many comforts and opportunities, it does not guarantee happiness or emotional
fulfillment
Use the right word
fulfilment
show examples
.
Therefore
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,
while
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 I believe the advantages of having
money
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 slightly outweigh the disadvantages, it is important to remember that wealth alone cannot buy genuine affection, trust, or inner peace.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but you could add a stronger thesis statement to make your position clearer from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use linking words like 'however' and 'moreover' to guide the reader better.
task achievement
You have good examples, but adding one more example or detail in your main points could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your points are well-organized, and the essay is easy to follow.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of money.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Quality of life
  • Social isolation
  • Philanthropy
  • Wealth management
  • Material possessions
  • Economic stability
  • Opportunities
  • Excessive wealth
  • Exploitative relationships
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