IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it compared with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the present day, some argue that
tobacco
Use synonyms
 products like cigarettes should be banned considering the
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 of other drugs,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that freedom should be given to
tobacco
Use synonyms
 smokers.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, I completely agree
with
Change preposition
apply
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that
:
Punctuation problem
apply
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tobacco
Use synonyms
 should be banned in countries
due to
Linking Words
 several concerns described below.
Firstly
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, people who smoke
tobacco
Use synonyms
 products are easily vulnerable to respiratory problems
such
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 as lung cancer. In fact, it is not only a particular person, but secondhand smokers,
such
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 as his friends or family members, are
also
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 subjected to diseases associated with the respiratory system.
Therefore
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, some governments have adapted rules to interpret pictures of people undergoing illnesses because of
tobacco
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 to decrease the percentage of users.
Nevertheless
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, it does not work
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according to
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for
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 me, as people who are addicted know the disadvantages of it and continue using it. Eliminating their addiction abruptly is an extremely difficult task. Apart from the above reason, smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 directly contributes to atmospheric air pollution.
For instance
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, particulate matter, fine particles, and carbon monoxide are byproducts of smoking, which are emitted and end up in city
dwellers
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dwellers'
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 bodies as toxic compounds.
Moreover
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, these toxic compounds are considered volatile organic compounds, which would be the root cause
for
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of
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 serious health concerns in the long term. The proportion of
tobacco
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 users and the quality of the air in a crowded city are
thus
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 clearly related. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
tobacco
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 prohibition is essential for a country, as
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of it causes several health concerns for the community.

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coherence
Make sure each main point is clearly connected to the overall argument. You can use transition words to improve flow.
task achievement
You presented clear reasons for your opinion, which helps the reader understand your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • carcinogenic
  • respiratory diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • tax revenue
  • addiction
  • regulation
  • public health
  • legislation
  • narcotics
  • prohibition
  • personal autonomy
  • social harm
  • economic burden
  • health implications
  • substance abuse
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