IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modern world, all nations over the world are in the race to enhance their economy to raise residents' living standards,
whereas
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 a majority of people believe that
this
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 may bring several issues within the society. From my perspective, economic advancement has its pros and cons , but I believe that the consequences outweigh the advantages for some reasons mentioned in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, it is obvious that countries with a strong economic background are able to carry out multiple innovations to improve citizens' lives. Specifically, the government may have sufficient financial condition to invest in public facilities
such
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 as hospitals, clinics, public transport systems or the modern water and electronic system... These infrastructures help to improve the daily activities of local people and serve the best for their basic needs.
In addition
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, the authorities can
also
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 establish funds to support educational activities for the young generation.
This
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 helps the youngsters to broaden their horizons and develop their skills, and
as a result
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, creates a strong workforce for the country in the future.
On the other hand
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, many nations may abandon social values as they only concentrate on enhancing the economy.
This
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 potentially leads to multiple issues within the society ,
such
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 as strengthening the gap between different classes , because it is mostly the wealthy people who get the benefits from these innovations.
In addition
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, if the authority does not focus on sustainable development, the environment and natural resources of that country are likely to be heavily damaged. Specifically, when there is no strict law and regulation regarding
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 or corporations' responsibility to the environment, they may just pay attention to production to create benefits
while
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 not handling the chemical waste properly and
as a result
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, create detrimental pollution to the water system. In conclusion, even though it is crucial to provide national economy, I still hold a strong belief that the disadvantages may outweigh the benefits if the government do not apply suitable policies to avoid social problems.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly links back to the main question. This will help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your main viewpoint. This helps the reader understand your position from the start.
task achievement
Use clear examples to support your points. It helps to illustrate your ideas better.
task achievement
You have covered both sides of the argument, which is good for balance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is logical, with clear separate paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
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