IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Your workplace does not have a parking area for cars, and it is causing some problems. Write a letter to your manager and include the following: – Describe the problems it has caused. – Explain what benefits a parking area would bring to the company. – Suggest a solution.

#workplace #area #cars #manager #company
Dear Mr. Sharma, I am writing
this
 letter to draw your attention towards the problems faced by our employees
due to
 not having a parking area for
cars
 at our workplace. I would like to highlight some problems.
Firstly
,
office
 workers have been parking their
cars
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the parking area of the supermarket which is expensive.
Secondly
, it wastes a significant amount of time
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our employees to park their
cars
 there, leading to frustration among workers.
Lastly
, it is not safe to park
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other areas.
Therefore
, our
office
 should have its personal parking areas as it will bring some benefits to our
company
. It will not only
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
show examples
 the reputation of our
company
 but
also
saves
Correct subject-verb agreement
save
show examples
 the crucial time of our employees.
Similarly
, our
company
 can hire a security guard to collect parking ticket charges to park the
cars
 in our
office
 areas from the clients and
company
's workers which would increase the income of
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
.
Similarly
, the security guard can take care of other belongings of the
office
 too. I hope
these advice
Change the determiner
this advice
show examples
 will be of some use. Thank you for your time. Yours sincerely, Amandeep Kaur
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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coherence cohesion
Your letter could be structured a bit more clearly with better transitions between points. Try using linking words or phrases to improve flow.
task achievement
To make your argument stronger, you could include some specific examples or data. For instance, mentioning how much time is wasted or an estimate of the increased income from parking charges.
task achievement
You have provided a clear and well-organized response to the prompt, addressing all the required points.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing of your letter are polite and appropriate.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is formal and suitable for a workplace communication with a manager.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inconveniences
  • designated
  • punctuality
  • productivity
  • enhanced
  • potential
  • demonstrates
  • acquiring
  • vacant
  • arranging
  • agreement
  • implementing
  • shuttle service
  • encouraging
  • carpooling
  • incentives
  • subsidies
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