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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

MANY PEOPLE SAY THAT GLOBALISATION AND THE GROWING NUMBER OF MULTINATIONAL COMPANIES HAVE A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON THE ENVIRONMENT. WHICH VIEWPOINT DO YOU AGREE WITH? USE SPECIFIC REASONS AND EXAMPLES TO SUPPORT YOUR ANSWER. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YO AGREE OR DISAGREE.

#people #globalisation #companies #effect #environment #support #yo
A common belief is that the number of multinational
companies
 is increasing, and the reason for
that is
 mass production to grow profit. I'm sorry to say, but in my opinion,
this
 has harmful effects on nature. First of all, the production of products around the world destroys natural habitats.
Secondly
, governments are struggling with the challenge of disposing of waste safely and effectively. Nowadays,
companies
 like Coca-Cola and Toyota have factories globally. They have been establishing the buildings in natural areas which is leading to negative consequences on the lives of animals. Specifically, the wild animals lose their sources of food and the water where they drink is polluted.
Moreover
,
due to
 the chemical waste products,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the land where these animals live is limited.
Besides
 the bad outcomes on the environment, globalization results in a serious problem when people have finished consuming the items that they have bought. Most people throw them in several places, namely streets, garbage, parks, and beaches. Later, governments will face significant challenges in managing waste. They will need to figure out how to separate recyclable materials from non-recyclable ones,
as well as
 how to dispose of hazardous liquids safely without contaminating water sources. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that I have made clear that the expansion of
companies
 worldwide impacts the environment in bad ways. Not only will the
nutural
Correct your spelling
natural
 places be at risk, but the amount of trash will grow. I suggest that each
gevornment
Correct your spelling
government
 in each country
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
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 or
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 allow
companies
 to
preduce
Correct your spelling
produce
reduce
 in
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
 their product
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 on their
commitnment
Correct your spelling
commitment
 to
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 the people and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
.
Submitted by emanbh422 on

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Tone and Register
Make sure to consistently maintain a formal tone throughout your essay to align with the academic nature of the task. Avoid colloquial phrases and strive for a polished, professional language use.
Grammar and Accuracy
Review your essay to fix minor grammatical errors and typos to improve readability. Accurate use of grammar and vocabulary will further enhance your argument's clarity and impact.
Sentence Variety
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to demonstrate language flexibility and proficiency. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your writing more engaging and nuanced.
Cohesion Techniques
Incorporate a wider range of transitional phrases to seamlessly connect your ideas. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make your arguments more coherent.
Content Relevance
You have effectively addressed the essay prompt with a well-reasoned argument, supplying specific examples to support your viewpoint. This demonstrates a strong task achievement.
Structure and Organization
Your essay exhibits a clear structure with a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion, which aids in reader comprehension.
Use of Examples
The inclusion of relevant examples, like Coca-Cola and Toyota, to illustrate your points is commendable. It makes your argument more tangible and persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalisation
  • multinational companies
  • environmental impact
  • industrial activity
  • profit
  • environmentally harmful practices
  • exploit natural resources
  • deforestation
  • loss of biodiversity
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • production and consumption patterns
  • waste generation
  • pollution
  • overconsumption
  • strain on natural resources
  • environmental sustainability
  • industrial agriculture
  • excessive pesticide use
  • evasion of accountability
  • positive effects
  • technology and innovation
  • sustainable business practices
  • renewable energy sources
  • carbon footprint
  • environmentally friendly policies
  • knowledge sharing
  • best practices
  • economic opportunities
  • improved environmental regulations
  • conservation efforts
  • economic development
  • environmental preservation
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