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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved? What are the drawabacks?

The deteriorating mental
health
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 of
people
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 has become a contentious issue in today's world. Most of the employees are experiencing stress at their workplace. There are multifaceted reasons for increased mental
health
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 issues among
workers
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 ,
such
Linking Words
 as working overtime and enhanced competition in the offices.
However
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, multiple approaches like the availability of counselling services and extended holidays can assist in reducing the level of anxiety among employees.
To begin
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 with, one of the major factors causing mental strain in
workers
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 is spending too much
time
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 on their jobs. In order to earn more, most of the
workers
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work
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 for long hours , which makes them physically and mentally tired.
Additionally
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, these
people
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 do not get enough
time
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 to sleep and spend
time
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 with their families, which enhances the feeling of isolation among them.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in Melbourne, Australia, revealed that approximately 60 per cent of the
workers
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 employed in Dominoz
,
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apply
show examples
work
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 double shifts that limit their ability to sleep for at least 6 hours,
consequently
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 leading to depression and stress.
Moreover
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, another factor contributing to mental pressure in individuals who are employed is the anxiety to cope with the increasing competition. Many
people
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 always feel pressured to be productive and develop their skills to get promotions and to retain their job positions.
For example
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, an individual who
had
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has
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 plans to get a higher job position will always feel stressed thinking about what he or she could do to get promoted and impress the employers.
Therefore
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, a more competitive
work
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 environment sometimes has a detrimental impact on the cognitive ability of
people
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.
Furthermore
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, there are several strategies that can be implemented by the firms to improve the well-being of their staff.
Firstly
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, seminars, workshops and counselling services offering knowledge and techniques to improve stress can serve the purpose. The therapies provided in counselling encourage the service seeker to talk about concerns and
also
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 assist with ways to tackle the problems that one is facing. So, companies should be obliged to provide mental
health
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 services and workshops to their employees on a regular basis.
Secondly
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, granting benefits to the
workers
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 ,
such
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 as long weekends
,
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apply
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 and paid trips with families, will boost the morale and satisfaction of the
workers
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.
Also
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, these benefits will provide an opportunity to a person to have a break from their busy schedules, which will
further
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 provide them with mental peace.
For example
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, the CEO of the top
one
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apply
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industry in India, named
,
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apply
show examples
 Tata, provided in an interview that they focus on the mental
health
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 of their staff by providing long holidays , and
this
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 helps them in retaining the experienced professionals for a longer period of
time
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 as the
workers
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 feel
relax
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relaxed
show examples
 and supported by the company.
Thus
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, opting for these techniques will help in improving the mental
health
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 of the
workers
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.
To conclude
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, the competitive workplaces and increased financial responsibilities make
workers
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 feel stressed all the
time
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, but methods
such
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 as counselling and vacations can assist in providing satisfaction to individuals who
work
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.

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task response
The introduction should clearly state the main points you'll discuss. Also, summarize both benefits and drawbacks in the conclusion. This will help mark clearly the writer's position and provide a more rounded response.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear signposting in each paragraph to show the reader what you will discuss. For example, start the paragraphs with topic sentences that indicate what the paragraph will cover. This will improve the logical flow between ideas.
task response
The essay discusses both causes and solutions related to mental health in workplaces, showing an understanding of the topic.
task response
Examples provided in the essay enhance the arguments, making it more relatable and convincing.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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