IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

to what extent to this tamtent agree and diagree about the it is important t o everyone including the younger to save money

It is crucial for everybody to take into consideration the financial situation by starting to save their
money
Use synonyms
 , including mature
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
, agreeing and disagreeing.
on
Fix capitalization
On
show examples
 one hand,some
people
Use synonyms
 agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
people
Use synonyms
 should save
money
Use synonyms
 for their own future
taking
Punctuation problem
, taking
show examples
 into account mature
people
Use synonyms
.From my own perspective
view
Check wording
apply
show examples
,I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for several reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are usually responsible for the family's financial situation and do not include the youngest member in
this
Linking Words
 issue , and
this
Linking Words
 will increase the financial stress on the
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 shoulders since the youngest demands increase a lot.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 amateur
people
Use synonyms
 always rely on the eldest to assist them financially
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
the more they give them ,the more they ask.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,some argue that it is not that crucial to save
money
Use synonyms
 and include young
people
Use synonyms
.They are relying on protecting the youngest from putting them under pressure.
This
Linking Words
 will affect them badly,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 will reflect in their growth.
Moreover
Linking Words
,younger
people
Use synonyms
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
 qualified to deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem.They still lack experience. My opinion is
a
Correct word choice
that a
show examples
balanced approach will be beneficial for both the youngest and the
parents
Use synonyms
.There are many resources that help
parents
Use synonyms
 emphasise to their youngest member how to invest
you
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 and save it for their future.
For instance
Linking Words
,these days the advertisement of social media affects younger
people
Use synonyms
 ,and many influencers focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 area.
Parents
Use synonyms
 can encourage them to follow and learn about good investments.
This
Linking Words
resultsin
Correct your spelling
results in
arational
Use the right word
rational
show examples
 maturity. In conclusion,both sides had their strengths and weaknesses point of view.I believed a balanced approach would be more beneficial.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer and more structured. Ensure to clearly state your main arguments.
coherence
Work on linking your ideas better. Use more transition words to connect your points smoothly.
task achievement
Enhance your examples. More specific examples will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is a good approach.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: