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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The tables below gives information about the changes in the military budgets of 8 countries between 2004 and 2020.

The tables below gives information about the changes in the military budgets of 8 countries between 2004 and 2020.
The table provides key information about the military
budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
budget
show examples
 changes in the United States, China, Russia, France,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom, Japan, Germany, and Italy. The units are measured in
bn
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear from the graph that the
budget
Use synonyms
 only showed a decrease in the United Kingdom and Italy, in 2004 they were 42.8 and 28, but in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2020, 41.5
bn
Use synonyms
 and 15
bn
Use synonyms
 respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, all the other countries have provided a significant boost
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
budget
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown in the year
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
show examples
 the military
budget
Use synonyms
 for the United States was 623bn, and in
2020
Correct article usage
the 2020
show examples
budget
Use synonyms
, there was an increase.
While
Linking Words
 China had allocated for the military 65bn,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in
2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
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 there was a major increase. Russia and France both provided
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
 increase in their
budget
Use synonyms
. In terms of the United Kingdom and
military
Correct article usage
the military
show examples
 saving sector, there was a drop, similar
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Italy. Japan had an
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
budget
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 10bn,
while
Linking Words
 Germany
also
Linking Words
 had an
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in their
budget
Use synonyms
 from 35
bn
Use synonyms
 to 51bn.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words bn, budget with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • military
  • budget
  • increase
  • decrease
  • country
  • spending
  • security
  • political
  • situation
  • economic
  • trend
  • correlation
  • invest
  • defense
  • force
  • global
  • threat
  • relations
  • implication
  • examine
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