IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Other argue that teenagers shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Have you ever thought about working in a small age like
teenager
Correct article usage
a teenager
show examples
 to get their own money ? Actually,
this
Linking Words
 topic is confusing. Some opinions support
this
Linking Words
 idea strongly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , other opinions are totally against it. Many people are for the idea for various reasons. First , teenagers will learn that they need to work hard to earn money and that money doesn't grow on trees.
In addition
Linking Words
, they will have a simple idea for the future that can help them achieve
dreams
Correct pronoun usage
their dreams
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young people should know how to be responsible in their lives.
Besides
Linking Words
, the most important lesson is that life does not always go
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 we want it to
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. Other people are not with the issue for another cause.
Firstly
Linking Words
, teenagers should live their age without dealing with grown-up issues.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they need to focus on school and getting good marks.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
 they need to find themselves by hopping.
At the end
Linking Words
, I do agree with the first claim . I see that it is more practical and logical. From.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my own point of view, it is more useful and effective.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly present the topic and state your opinion more directly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each idea is linked clearly to the next to improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points, helping to clarify your arguments.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is a good approach to discuss the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your writing has a clear opinion at the end that summarizes your view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Part-time job
  • Financial literacy
  • Work ethic
  • Discipline
  • Job market
  • Academic performance
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Labor laws
  • Work-life balance
  • Skill development
  • Monetary independence
  • Career prospects
  • Time management
  • Peer pressure
  • Rest and recreation
  • Minimum wage
  • Skillset enhancement
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Personal growth
  • Adolescent development
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