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Writing Samples
Band 6

You live in a small university town. Last week, you drove to a big city about two hours away to buy a new laptop at a good price. You worked on the laptop all week and finished writing a long assignment that is due shortly. However, this week, the laptop doesn't even switch on. Write to the store. In your letter: • Tell the store where you live & what happened • Explain the problem with the laptop • State what action you would like the store to take

#university #town #week #city #two #hours #laptop #price #assignment #doesn #switch #store #action
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Dear Sir or Madam My name is Pokiza a loyal customer of your
store
. I am writing to you from a tiny university town where I recently purchased a
laptop
 from your
store
 in
large
Add an article
a large
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 city about 2 hours away. After I purchased from your
store
 a
week
 ago as it has not turned on offer I had used it for a
week
.
Last
week
 I went to the city to buy a
laptop
 to complete an assignment for work and I purchased one. I have used
this
laptop
 to write a lengthy assignment that will be very soon. First of
all
Add a comma
all,
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 it worked, well and I was able to finish my assignment in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 time. I am extremely disappointed to report that
offer
Correct your spelling
after
show examples
 only a
week
 of use, the
laptop
 has completely stopped working. Unfortunately, it did not switch on,
therefore
 I told my PC repairman friend about it. She said that you replace the item. I suggest that you recover the data on the hard disk as soon as possible because I need it for my other assignments. I called your
store
's customer service but no one answered my calls, so I am writing
this
 letter to you. Thank you for your attention to
this
 matter. Yours faithfully Pokiza
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single idea or point.
task achievement
Provide more details about what you want the store to do. For example, state clearly whether you want a refund, a repair, or a replacement laptop.
greeting and closing
The opening and closing of the letter are appropriately formal and polite.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter is suitable for a formal complaint.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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