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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.
The energy
consumption
Use synonyms
 by fuel from 1980 to 2030 in the US is illustrated in the graph. From 1980 to 1985, the energy
consumption
Use synonyms
 of petrol and oil declined from 35 to 30
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
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, natural gas dropped from 20 to 17
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others increased slightly. Coal’s
consumption
Use synonyms
 rose from 16 to 18
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
, nuclear
energy’s
Use synonyms
, solar/wind
energy’s
Use synonyms
 and hydropower
energy’s
Use synonyms
 increased from 3 to 4
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
. From 1985 to 2008, the
consumption
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 of coal, petrol and oil
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 obviously from 16 to 22
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 and from 30 to 41
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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,
natural
Correct word choice
and natural
show examples
 gas
’
Punctuation problem
apply
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fluctuates
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
 with a slightly rising trend. The
consumption
Use synonyms
 of nuclear
still
Check wording
energy still
show examples
 rose slightly, from 4 to 7
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 solar/wind
Use synonyms
energy’s
Check wording
energy
show examples
 and
hydropower’s
Check wording
hydropower
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 remained steady. After 2008, the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of coal, petrol and oil
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 forecasted to increase to the peak of 31 and 47
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 respectively, natural gas, nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower
remains
Correct subject-verb agreement
remain
show examples
 still.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, quadrillion, units, energy’s with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Renewable resources
  • Non-renewable resources
  • Fossil fuels
  • Nuclear power
  • Hydroelectric power
  • Solar energy
  • Wind energy
  • Biomass
  • Consumption patterns
  • Technological advancements
  • Energy efficiency
  • Sustainable development
  • Carbon footprint
  • Energy policy
  • Projections
  • Decade
  • Significant shifts
  • Economic factors
  • Environmental impact
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