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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.

The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with projections until 2030.
The line chart illustrates the US energy
consumption
Use synonyms
 by 6 different fuel types from 1980 to 2030, based on a report
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2008, including historical data and future projections.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of nuclear,solar/wind,and hydropower stayed
a
Correct article usage
apply
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stable
slowly
Correct word choice
and slowly
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the other three fuels had a significant rise.What's more,petrol and oil were always the highest,
while
Linking Words
 hydropower was always the lowest over the given years. In 1980, petrol and oil
consumption
Use synonyms
 stood at 35
quadrillion
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units
Use synonyms
.Despite some fluctuations between 1980 and 1995, it rose steadily and will
be reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 nearly 50
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
 in 2030.Coal and natural gas followed a similar pattern until 2015.
Initially
Linking Words
,natural gas spent 20
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
, more than coal's
consumption
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 at around 15
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
.But in the future projections,coal
consumption
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 will be higher than natural gas，becoming the second largest energy source. The other three energy sources—nuclear, solar/wind, and hydropower—started significantly lower, all under 5
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
.Nuclear and solar/wind
consumption
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 rose steadily over the 50-year period, but still under 10
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the
spent
Check wording
output
show examples
 of hydropower stayed a stable figure around 2
quadrillion
Use synonyms
units
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, quadrillion, units with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Renewable resources
  • Non-renewable resources
  • Fossil fuels
  • Nuclear power
  • Hydroelectric power
  • Solar energy
  • Wind energy
  • Biomass
  • Consumption patterns
  • Technological advancements
  • Energy efficiency
  • Sustainable development
  • Carbon footprint
  • Energy policy
  • Projections
  • Decade
  • Significant shifts
  • Economic factors
  • Environmental impact
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