IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaur, dodos…) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the extinction of
species
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 is a natural part of the evolutionary process , similar to what happened with ancient
species
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. I partially disagree with the view that there was no need for humans to intervene. It is true that millions of years ago, many ancient
species
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 of animals,
such
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 as dinosaurs, were wiped out
due to
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 a gradual shift in climate and changing sea levels,
according to
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 some hypotheses.
However
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, these environmental factors are not the primary contributors to the disappearance of certain
species
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 nowadays. Deforestation, pollution, and climate change have led to the rapid decline of many
species
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.
For example
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, the expansion of palm oil plantations in Indonesia has resulted in massive deforestation , destroying the natural habitat of the orangutan and pushing them toward extinction. These human activity changes disrupt the food chain and damage ecosystems. In
this
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 regard, people are responsible for the damage and obligated to take corrective action.
Moreover
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, protecting wildlife involves the significant roles animals play in maintaining ecosystem balance,
as well as
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 scientific and economic contributions. Some
species
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 have been a source of medical breakthroughs,
while
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 others support eco-tourism industries.
For instance
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, Africa’s diverse wildlife attracts millions of tourists annually through safari tours, generating substantial income for local communities. Preserving these
species
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 is not only ethical but
also
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 economically beneficial. In conclusion, the disappearance of many animal
species
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 is not always caused by a natural process but
as a consequence
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 of our actions.
As a result
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, we have a responsibility to prevent
further
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 loss and protect endangered
species
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, both for the health of our planet and the well-being of future generations.

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task response
Your introduction clearly states your position, but you could strengthen it by giving a brief overview of the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support that idea. This will help with coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas with more linking words or phrases, like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition', to help the flow of your argument.
task achievement
You have strong examples that clearly support your points, such as the impact of palm oil plantations and the role of wildlife in tourism.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main ideas and reinforces your argument, which is a great way to end the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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