IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It’s often argued that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 volunteer doing
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in their own
time
Use synonyms
. I fully agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and think that it can be advantageous for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 and the
community
Use synonyms
. First of all, I believe that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can learn new
skills
Use synonyms
 and gain
experience
Use synonyms
, which can only be gained from working. To illustrate,
experience
Use synonyms
 can only be earned from doing actual
work
Use synonyms
, which will give advantages for the future. There are some
skills
Use synonyms
 that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 gain from working.
For example
Linking Words
, how to communicate with colleagues, leadership, and teamwork.
That is
Linking Words
 why it is important for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to do free
work
Use synonyms
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
, to learn new
skills
Use synonyms
 and gain
experience
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
community
Use synonyms
 can benefit by making
teenagers
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
, which will keep them busy,
therefore
Linking Words
 prevent any childish actions, and make new friends, and possibly soulmates.
In other words
Linking Words
, there is a strong relationship between keeping
teenagers
Use synonyms
 busy and calm.
Teenagers
Use synonyms
 who are busy working will have less
time
Use synonyms
 for bad actions. Most
teenagers
Use synonyms
 around the world do foolish things.
For example
Linking Words
, sabotage the neighbour’s cars and house.
Also
Linking Words
, in the workplace,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can form relationships with other people who
work
Use synonyms
 with them.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to better communication between the
community
Use synonyms
 members.
For instance
Linking Words
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
after
Punctuation problem
, after
show examples
 growing
up
Punctuation problem
up,
show examples
 marry someone who worked with them, resulting in a successful marriage cause of the memories and experiences.
Thus
Linking Words
, the advantages of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 working in their free
time
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages in the long term.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can benefit by learning new
skills
Use synonyms
, gaining
experience
Use synonyms
, and forming relationships. The
community
Use synonyms
 can benefit by having quieter and successful families.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples that are relevant to your points. For instance, mention specific community projects or volunteer activities.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow between sentences. For example, use words like 'however', 'furthermore', or 'in addition'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well. Some points could be explained more clearly to help the reader understand better.
task achievement
Good introduction that clearly states your opinion about volunteering for teenagers.
task achievement
You address both teenagers’ benefits and community benefits, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: