IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. Do you agree or disagree with this view? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s world, there is an increasing trend of crime within the community;
however
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, some argue that there are other options available to minimise the impact
instead
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 of imprisonment. From my
perspective
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perspective,
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 I completely agree with that opinion,
according to
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 the reasons outlined below.
Firstly
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, people sent to prison for committing serious
crimes
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 are constantly angry with society. In fact, they
always are
Correct word order
are always
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 subjected to brutal violence and unethical things
through
Change preposition
by
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other
Use the right word
their
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 peers.
Therefore
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, as soon as they are released after years, they need revenge.
Currently
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Currently,
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 most of the
crimes
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 have some connection to a person released from prison.
Accordingly
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, it is obvious that the sentences they were subjected to were fruitless since they have not learnt any lesson and they are not even afraid of committing
crimes
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.
Instead
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 of giving them harsh sentences, it is advised to give those opportunities to regain mental stability and personality after the incident, as no one has a clear idea of the reason behind why that person underwent that incident.
Moreover
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, it is essential to invest in rehabilitation programs for those who are involved in
crimes
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 by the authorities.
For instance
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, sermons and meditation programs can be conducted to calm their minds. These campaigns would be more effective regarding the
overall
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 mental health of individuals if they were conducted in natural environments.
Furthermore
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, the government can give training for those who are imprisoned as a qualification for self-employment opportunities
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as skilled labour. Apart from that, awareness programs should be conducted within these camps to teach religions and make them understand the aggravating nature of
crimes
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. In conclusion, there should be sentences for those who committed
crimes
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, but that should not darken their whole life
as a result
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. Opportunity should be given to them to change.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follow it with supporting details.
task achievement
Use more examples to support your points, as this will make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by using simpler sentences and common words.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and provide reasons to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a structured format with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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