Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

When people function together in communities, they usually interact in ways that affect the status of their environment. In communities where the population coexists peacefully, society tends to thrive.
However
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, with numerous people living together, issues
such
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as constant comparisons are bound to arise. The public holds diverse opinions regarding
this
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matter. Some argue that contest among members of society brings out the best in each individual.
Moreover
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, they believe it can serve as a strong motivation for people to improve themselves and strive for higher achievements.
For instance
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, a 2021 study by the University of Cambridge revealed that workplaces with moderate contesting reported a 15% increase in employee productivity.
Conversely
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, others assert that institutions
such
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as schools and workplaces built on teamwork rather than rivalry tend to grow more effectively.
This
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is because students and coworkers are inclined to assist their peers,
thus
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enhancing
overall
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performance.
According to
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educational statistics published in 2022, pupils involved in collaborative projects improved their academic scores by nearly 20%. I am convinced that for society to progress, a delicate balance between rivalry and cooperation is necessary. Schools that focus solely on turning every activity into a contest often foster resentment and envy, which may eventually lead to division and failure.
On the other hand
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, in the absence of suitable challenges, students may become negligent and complacent.
Therefore
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, educational institutions should design programs that encourage healthy competition
while
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simultaneously promoting teamwork and mutual support. All things considered,
while
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rivalry may be viewed as a primitive instinct in human groups, implementing fair regulations and guaranteeing equal opportunities can successfully channel it into a desirable and productive aspect of social development.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and presents the topic well. However, try to add a few sentences about why this discussion is important. This can strengthen your introduction.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, make sure to explain your examples more. For instance, how did the 2021 study impact the workplace? More details will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, but ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. Each sentence should connect well to this main idea to improve the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion restates the main points nicely. Try to add a call to action or a final thought to leave a stronger impression on the reader.
task achievement
You have given strong examples to support your views, especially the studies which add credibility to your points.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated in the essay, and your argument shows good understanding of both sides of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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