IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is an increase in some countries in
people
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 who suffer a
health
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 problems
due to
Linking Words
 eating too much fast
food
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. I believe that it is important for governments to raise
taxes
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 on fast
food
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. Eating too much fast
food
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 leads to a serious
health
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 problems because they gain more weight by eating too much
sugar
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 and fat, and they may suffer with a lot of diseases,
such
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 as obesity and diabetes because of eating that much of fast
food
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 which contain a lot of
sugar
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 and fat.
For example
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, in the US, many teenagers suffer from obesity
due to
Linking Words
 eating junk
food
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 every day,
such
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 as McDonald’s, which every meal contains a lot of fat. Governments should consider the problem of the increase in
people
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 who suffer from
this
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health
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 problem
due to
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 the high consumption of fast
food
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, by raising
taxes
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 on
this
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 kind of
food
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 and lowering them for healthy
food
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, which encourages
people
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 to reduce eating too much junk
food
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 and replace it with healthier
food
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.
For instance
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, in the UK, the government raised the
taxes
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 on Coca-Cola, which contains a high amount of
sugar
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, and lowered the
taxes
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 on diet cola that contains less
sugar
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. In conclusion, I believe that governments should be aware of the increase in
people
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 who suffer a
health
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 problems
such
Linking Words
 as obesity
due to
Linking Words
 gaining more weight because of eating too much fast
food
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, by raising
taxes
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 on junk
food
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 to reduce the number of
people
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 who eat them and encourage them to be healthier.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly present your main argument in your introduction. Use a clear thesis statement to guide your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow of your essay by using linking words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'in addition' to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Include more examples from different countries or different perspectives on this topic to support your points.
task achievement
You have identified important health problems related to fast food consumption effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your ideas well, linking back to your main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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