IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
Correct article usage
the responsability
show examples
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of
parents
Use synonyms
 to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 how to be good members of society,
while
Linking Words
 others think
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
Correct article usage
the responsabilty
show examples
responsabilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 to teach them. In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 and school have the same importance
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to explain why. On the one hand,
parents
Use synonyms
 play the first role in a child's life and can set examples of good
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
. From a young age,
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of their time with their families, and
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 have a strong influence on their attitudes and actions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, since every family has its own cultural and moral background,
parents
Use synonyms
 can adapt their teachings to reflect values that are important in their community or religion.
Especially they
Rephrase
They
show examples
 can teach
children
Use synonyms
 values like kindness, honesty, and respect from a young age.
Additionally
Linking Words
, learning from
parents
Use synonyms
 often happens in real-life situations, like sharing toys or helping others. On the other end,
schools
Use synonyms
 provide a structured environment for learning, where
children
Use synonyms
 can learn about community rules, teamwork, and social skills.
During
Change preposition
Over
show examples
 the years,
schools
Use synonyms
 have trained teachers who can provide lessons on important societal issues, which can help
children
Use synonyms
 understand their role in society. Afterwards,
schools
Use synonyms
 bring together students from diverse backgrounds, which helps young people learn how to communicate and cooperate with others who are different from themselves. In conclusion,
overall
Linking Words
, in my opinion, both
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 have important roles to play.
Parents
Use synonyms
 lay the foundation of a child’s character,
while
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 build on that foundation by providing broader social experiences. A combined effort is the most effective way to ensure that
children
Use synonyms
 grow into respectful, responsible, and active citizens.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Make sure to use correct spelling for words like 'responsibility' and 'responsible'.
content
Add more examples or details to support your points, especially in the school paragraph.
structure
Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of your paragraphs to guide the reader.
content
The introduction clearly states your opinion.
content
You have a good balance between discussing parents and schools.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: