IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In my place, a new home are needed, but only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build a new home there. What is your opinion?

From my perspective,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to explain
about
Change preposition
that
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 the living in the
countryside
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
 high percentage of positive effects and more wider than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 urban
areas
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
i'm
Fix capitalization
I'm
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 going to illustrate
there
Fix capitalization
There
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 is no exit to build and live in the
countryside
Use synonyms
. I would consider building my home in the
countryside
Use synonyms
. Because it has way more space than in the urban
areas
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, we can live provided
areas
Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
that
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 have the
most fresh
Correct word choice
freshest
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 air ever even
the
Correct article usage
apply
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clear water. If there's no space to live in
Correct article usage
the city
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city
Punctuation problem
city,
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then
Linking Words
 we can just move peacefully. We are not ants to live in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 tiny house with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpopulated ants. In the
Use synonyms
countryside
Add a comma
countryside,
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 we don'
t
Use synonyms
 have to worry about the traffic jams and pollution. There are a lot of interesting things you can find
undoubtedly
Punctuation problem
, undoubtedly
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. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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there're
Use the right word
there are
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 some insects.
In addition
Linking Words
, building a household in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 isn'
t
Use synonyms
that
Correct determiner usage
a
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 big deal. Because we're all humans who want to own property.
There're
Use the right word
There are
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 plenty of spaces that you can'
t
Use synonyms
 have in the urban
areas
Use synonyms
. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it might be harmful to the environment,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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there is no other
exit
Check wording
option
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 unless
move
Correct pronoun usage
we move
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 to other places.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if people are continuing to build
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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 and the departments
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
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 there will be huge increases
traffic
Change preposition
in traffic
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 jams and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpriced apartments. It's even worse than building apartments in the
countryside
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 we are using the
urbanized
Use the right word
urbanised
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 space until it can no longer be restored or reused. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, we don'
t
Use synonyms
 have any other options to live in the city because it's populated and apartments are high priced
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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only
Correct article usage
the only
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 way is
build
Verb problem
to build
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home
Correct article usage
a home
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 in the
countryside
Use synonyms
. To live in the clear air and water.
Also
Linking Words
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 will be interesting to live.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. Try to state your opinion more directly and mention the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea and that your supporting points relate directly to that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler sentences to make your ideas clearer. Avoid overly complex phrases that might confuse the reader.
task achievement
Try to add more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about living in the countryside. This is a good starting point for your essay.
task achievement
You mention advantages of living in the countryside, such as fresh air and less pollution. These are relevant points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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