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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the total value of exports and the value of fuel, food and manufactured goods exported by one country from 2000 to 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the total value of exports and the value of fuel, food and manufactured goods exported by one country from 2000 to 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graphs illustrate two categories
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
value
Correct article usage
the value
show examples
 of
fuel
Use synonyms
exports
Use synonyms
 and chosen
exports
Use synonyms
between
Punctuation problem
, between
show examples
 2000 and 2005. It is evident that
value
Correct article usage
the value
show examples
 of
fuel
Use synonyms
exports
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 no consistent pattern.
In addition
Linking Words
, three sectors show more variation. One of the most striking features is that the value of
fuel
Use synonyms
exports
Use synonyms
 does not have
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
direction
Replace the word
directional
show examples
 pattern.
This
Linking Words
 declined 50,000
millon
Correct your spelling
million
 dollars from 2000(300,000) to 2002(250,000). After that, the trend was reversed
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it changed direction from
down
Correct article usage
the down
show examples
 band to
upper
Correct article usage
the upper
show examples
 band. In 2002, it started with 250,000 million and it showed sharp growth with 350,000 in 2003. In fact, between 2003 and
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
show examples
maintained
Verb problem
it continued
show examples
 to grow steadily. Obviously,
fuel
Use synonyms
 had the largest figures until around 2004.
This
Linking Words
 decreased steadily,
which started
Verb problem
starting from
show examples
 approximately 46,000 in 2000.
Finally
Linking Words
, it ended
20,000
Change preposition
at 20,000
show examples
 in 2005. In 2005, manufactured goods had the upper band among others, at
near
Replace the word
nearly
show examples
 22,000. Specifically, manufactured goods had no consistent growth, which changed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
direction twice.
Finally
Linking Words
, food had the lowest between 2000 and 2005.
This
Linking Words
 did not have notable changes, which ranged from approximately 1,500 and 2,200.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words fuel, exports with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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