Extreme sports such as sky diving and rock climbing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Nowadays, there is a view about whether extreme
sports
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should be allowed to take place. I completely disagree with the idea that
this
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kind of activity is unsafe and
thus
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needs to be prohibited. From my point of view,
people
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have the means to protect themselves from being hurt
while
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participating in extreme activities , and they are of huge value to human beings. First of all,
people
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already take many steps these days to make sure that they stay safe when doing extreme
sports
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.
For example
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, before going rock climbing,
people
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have to get proper training.
Also
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, a rope is attached to their waist so they do not fall off the cliff. Because of these safety rules, the chance of getting hurt is much lower.
That is
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why
,
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apply
show examples
people
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do not need to be afraid of doing
this
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kind of sport.
In addition
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, many
people
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enjoy extreme
sports
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and find them exciting. As long as they follow the rules, they can have fun and stay safe at the same time. After that, I think extreme
sports
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should still exist because
people
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can get many benefits from them. When doing activities like skydiving or bungee jumping,
people
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can push their limits and try something new.
This
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can be very important for those who feel bored or stuck in their everyday lives.
Also
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, extreme
sports
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can be a great way to relax and have fun, as they give
people
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an exciting and thrilling experience. In
this
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way,
such
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sports
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are not only fun but
also
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helpful for personal growth and mental well-being. In conclusion, because of the lowering of risks in doing extreme
sports
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and the advantages the human race gets from conducting them, I reckon that they can be regarded as safe and should not be proscribed.

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task response
Your introduction clearly states your position, but make sure to provide a brief overview of your main points to guide the reader.
task response
You presented good points, but adding more specific examples would strengthen your argument. Try to include specific instances in your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are mostly well-structured, but adding topic sentences to each paragraph can help improve clarity. Start each paragraph with a clear point that relates to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help the flow of your essay.
task response
You have a clear position in your essay, and your conclusion successfully summarizes your views. Good job!
task response
You have good safety points and acknowledged the benefits of extreme sports, which shows a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, making it easy to follow your thoughts.
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