IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activites. To what extent do you agree?

There is no denying
in
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apply
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the fact, more and more people believe that reading
kids
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' stories is are waste
their
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of their
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 time.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that they can do activities that may be more beneficial, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that there is more benefit from reading
children
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's stories.
To begin
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 with,
children
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 can learning new lessons in their
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life
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lives
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 from books.
In other words
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,
kids
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 may understand
life
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 emotions , and they can learning a new language
also
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 which can
also
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 help them understand
life
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 situations.
In addition
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,
kids
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 can learn value and empathy from the character in the
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story
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story,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 helps
children
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 to solve problems and boosts confidence.
For example
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, if they are reading a
story
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 about how to keep them strong, the younger may follow the
story
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 and the character traits. Another point to consider, maybe reading books improves their imagination and opens their mind to thinking. It is
also
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 possible to say that it can
make
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help
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the
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apply
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kids
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 to
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be creatively
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creatively
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creative
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 and enhance their minds.
Moreover
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, if they face a problem, they remember what they learning from
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story
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the story
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, which helps
kids
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 to solve problems.
For instance
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, the lying noise that
story
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 helps our
children
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 not to lie because we will expose them
as soon
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sooner
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. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that stories help our youth to understand
life
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 and solve what they
are facing
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face
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. I think reading books is very essential nowadays for the younger generation.

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task achievement
Try to make your introduction clearer by stating your main point more directly. You can add a sentence that summarizes your view as being in favor of reading children's stories.
coherence and cohesion
Connect your ideas better by using words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally'. This will help readers follow your thoughts easily.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on sentence structure and word choice. For example, instead of "kids can learning", use "kids can learn". This will improve the clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion that reading children's stories has benefits. This shows you understand the topic well.
task achievement
You give examples to support your points, like discussing empathy and imagination. This helps to make your argument stronger.
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