A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, the employment satisfaction is much less significant than big incomes.
This
essay argues that wanting to get more money leads to some bad consequences. The two most serious are mental diseases and not feeling enjoyment.
At the moment, there is a lot of competition between workers for big salaries and they know that if they do not work
harder, they will get much less money. So to provide for their families and themselves, they must work
more and more. Afterwards, they will not sleep normally and it leads to lots of mental problems like stress, anxiety and depression. For instance
, I know one of my friend's dad works in a big company called Google and everyone
knows how people there are competing for income, so that person lost to more experienced people and in the end, he lost his job. Consequently
, as I said, he had depression and he wanted to do suicide. By contrast
, he did not die, happily, he had a family who helped him, but, everyone
does not have their family, so they really can kill themselves.
Furthermore
, if people work
for only big salaries, they will not enjoy their employment and of course, it will lead to suicide too. Because everyone
on this
planet knows that a job is one of the main things in their lives. So, they must work
to live. However
, if you do not like your job, of course, you want to die. The reason for this
is that working is very important in every person’s life. I know one person from China and his name is Lee Chan. He worked as an accountant, he did the same things every day and he was tired of that. So in the end he died by jumping from the building.
In conclusion, everyone
should not work
for big incomes and work
for their enjoyment, of course, if they do not want to die.Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on
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task achievement
The essay presents an argument but could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction. Clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
The essay's main points are supported with examples, but these examples could be more varied and detailed. Try to include data, studies, or expert opinions to reinforce your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving paragraph transitions for better flow. Use linking words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', or 'in addition' to smoothly transition between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion could be more comprehensive, summarizing key points more effectively. Avoid introducing new ideas and restate the key reasons for your stance.
coherence and cohesion
The essay includes a relevant introduction and conclusion. The key points are outlined clearly.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the main points, such as personal anecdotes and examples from well-known companies.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?