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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while others believe that adults should prevent them from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In recent years, the young generation has become more open to making mistakes.
While
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 some people believe that
children
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 ought to be free to make blunders, others , including me, believe that
parents
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 and adults are accountable to prevent
children
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 from making bad habits and mistakes. Both points of view,
along with
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 my opinion, will be discussed below. On the one hand, some individuals advocate a trial-and-error method to let their
children
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 learn from their misbehaviour.
In other words
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, when their toddlers commit a bad behaviour, they do not learn them how to fix or solve that problem because they need their
children
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 to learn from the consequences or to improve their problem-solving techniques.
For example
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, some
children
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 fail the exams because they do not study well.
As a result
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, they study better next time to pass the exam.
Thus
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, what can be said is that some
parents
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 are rearing their toddlers using that method because it makes their
children
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 more independent and better at solving life problems.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that they should put some restrictions to keep their
children
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 safe from possible danger. To elaborate, if they avoid fast food in their
children
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's eating habits, they protect them from the likelihood of diseases
such
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 as diabetes.
For instance
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, in Egypt, some
parents
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 prevent their young from crossing the street alone, where they can cause an accident by doing that action alone. Not only can
children
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 engage a risky behaviour if they do the action alone, but they can
also
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 commit life-threatening activities.
To conclude
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, by highlighting the above-mentioned points, what can be reiterated is that
although
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 letting
children
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 commit mistakes can build their mentality,
parents
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 should observe their
children
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 and try to teach them the consequences of their actions.
Therefore
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, I claim that governments should organise a campaign to help the young generation make less noise, which might lead to bad consequences.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly presents one main idea and relates directly to the question. This will help strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. This can help your essay flow better from one point to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points. This will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states your opinion, which is important for the reader to know your viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • freedom to make mistakes
  • critical thinking skills
  • lifelong learning
  • guided learning environment
  • resilience
  • independence
  • overprotective
  • dependency
  • problem-solving skills
  • confidence
  • negative consequences
  • learning process
  • personal growth
  • trial and error
  • balance safety and learning
  • development
  • support and guidance
  • empowerment
  • risk-taking
  • life lessons
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