IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that childern that commit crimes should be punished . Others think the parents should be punished insted . Discuss both views and give yours opinion.

Some individuals believe that kids
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 commit
ilegal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 crimes must be held
accountent
Correct your spelling
accountable
 for
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 actions.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 others say that
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 legal guardian should be punished
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
. I consider that kids should get punished
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 parents . Many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people say that kids should
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 punished for many reasons.
Linking Words
Firstly
Punctuation problem
Firstly,
show examples
 children will get discipline for what they did and will know
what
Correct word choice
that what
show examples
 they did was wrong and against the
law
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 not acceptable at all . When they get
punished
Punctuation problem
punished,
show examples
 they most likely
wont
Correct your spelling
won't
 commit crimes ever again .
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 when a teacher
discipline's
Use the right word
disciplines
show examples
 a kid for stealing or doing something wrong in the classroom
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the other kid's he
wont
Correct your spelling
won't
 do it ever again because he probably
wont
Correct your spelling
won't
 do it
agian
Correct your spelling
again
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the rest
oh
Use the right word
of
show examples
 the class will learn a lesson and know
this
Linking Words
 action is wrong .
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
expet's
Check wording
expet
show examples
 say that
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
parent's
Check wording
parents
show examples
 are the
one's
Check wording
ones
show examples
 that should get punished. If
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 get
punished
Punctuation problem
punished,
show examples
 they will raise
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
kid's
Check wording
kids
show examples
prbeblay
Correct your spelling
probably
 and will teach them the right
manner's
Use the right word
manners
show examples
 that
wont
Correct your spelling
won't
 break the
law
Use synonyms
 .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 it would spread a message in society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 will be afraid and worried for
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 parent's so they will act well.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 both
mother's
Check wording
mothers
show examples
 and
father's
Check wording
fathers
show examples
 will spend some time to teach
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 children the
law
Use synonyms
 and the ethics of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
caulture
Correct your spelling
culture
 and
law
Use synonyms
 . In conclusion , I think that children must be punished and held
accountent
Correct your spelling
accountable
 for
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 actions
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 parents
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
it will teach them a lesson of a
life time
Use the right word
lifetime
show examples
.

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language
Make sure to check spelling errors, such as 'accountent' should be 'accountable', and 'there' should be 'their'.
structure
In your introduction, clearly state both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion.
cohesion
Use linking words to connect your sentences and paragraphs better, such as 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'in conclusion'.
content
You clearly expressed your opinion on the issue, which is important for the task.
content
The examples you provided helped explain your points, which makes your argument stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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